Finding some hope through the past

Fri, 03 Aug 2018 19:57:17 GMT

This may not make any sense at all, and it's not something that I have often done with my journals, but I don't feel like sharing the negative things going on right now... simply because I don't want to have to think about them and remember how it felt dealing with them when I'm rereading entries in the future. (We all do that, right? Go nostalgia-mode on our lives as presented through our journals?)

SO HAPPY STUFF WHETHER YA'LL LIKE IT OR NOT

Tomoko's package came in the mail that she had been worrying about, even on her birthday, which proves how suh-weet she is, all the time. By the time that I ever meet her, I will owe her like 1,500 hugs, probably. 💚💚💚 A lot of these items are wonderful little works that were sold by YYH fans at the Yuuhaku Only event. Naturally, she got me a whole lotta Kurama. ;) She also got me a fancy multi-colored ink pen and eraser stick, and ughghhh, I threw my hands up into the hair and said to myself "OKAY, TOMOKO, YOU WIN AT FRIENDSHIP. YOU WIN."

* * *

🌟 We go see The Phantom of the Opera tomorrow, and it's a three-day weekend.

🌟 I changed my revision plans again for HT ch15-18, so my motivation to work on it is revitalized. If all goes well I'll work on it these next three days and make some ground. WHY WOULDN'T I, I'M SEEING PHANTOM TOMORROW?!! DDDDD:

Like in all honesty, isn't that where a lot of writer's block comes from...? I was having problems writing this same stuff, months ago, and it finally occurred to me: if I can't figure out what the point of the scene is or how to wrap it all together, maybe it doesn't have a point. Maybe my plans weren't filled with logic and continuity after all. It's so weird that I would be thinking that already and then come up with other plans that are also half-baked/half-logical as well, but that must have been what happened. So yeah, the plans have been changed.

What sparked the plans was something that simultaneously made me excited and sad, though. I was reading some material from the first draft that happens directly after where I am in the draft two narrative, and it wasn't stuff that made me squirm in my seat anymore. It was actually pretty decent writing that you could tell was product of a writer living in that space, in their head, being present in the scene and inside the body of her narrator. There was a web of goings-on that I understood at the time, and... it was a way of storytelling that felt more free and true than how I'm so carefully constructing things today. You could almost tell that I didn't have depression yet when I was writing it... I know they were chapters from late 2011/early 2012, so I was still in the clear. *sigh*

I mean, it needed some minor adjustments, and "Erik" wasn't always saying things that I would believe nowadays to be in character, but mostly I didn't want to touch it at all. I wanted to just find a way to write until I had hooked up with that point, and then connect it and share those chapters as they were.

It was a story I was happy to read myself, too... I believed in it being something that a reader would want to stay focused on.

Well, okay, it's almost 1:00 in the afternoon. This is an ideal time to work on some things, let go of the happenings this week, and be content with some aspect of my life.

Ciao,
J

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darlingdeathbird

Finding some hope through the past