There's this website that produces "drabbles" if you give them a list of certain kinds of words, as well as two characters (who're supposed to be romantically interested), and, even though I recognize the story bases now, having used it so many times, I still get such a kick out of it.

I plugged in Lily and "Erik" and didn't realize it'd give me something that'd make me stifling myself while sitting here in the library.

The Battle For The Switchblade

In the dark, Lily massaged her switchblade. She had been busy with the switchblade for hours and now wanted nothing more than a glowing cuddle or a slender massage from her lover Erik.

She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her unnatural Erik appeared at the door, grinning discreetly.

"Put down the switchblade," Erik said indignantly. "Unless you want me to massage that switchblade on your head."

Lily put down the switchblade. She was obsessive. She had never seen Erik so ambiguous before and it made her gratuitous.

Erik picked up the switchblade, then withdrew an owl from his beak. "Don't be so obsessive," Erik said with an ambiguous grimace. "A raven bit my nipple this morning, and everything became angsty. Now with this switchblade and this owl I can indignantly rule the world!"

Lily clutched her phallic nipple reluctantly. This was her lover, her unnatural Erik, now staring at her with an ambiguous beak.

"Fight it!" Lily shouted. "The raven just wants the switchblade for his own unnatural devices! He doesn't love you, not the glowing way I do!"

Lily could see Erik trembling reluctantly. Lily reached out her head and touched Erik's beak indignantly. She was unnatural, so unnatural, but she knew only her phallic love for Erik would break the raven's spell.

Sure enough, Erik dropped the switchblade with a thunk. "Oh, Lily," he squealed. "I'm so glowing, can you ever forgive me?"

But Lily had already moved in the dark. Like she'd spotted someone in her garden, stealing her rapunzels, she pressed her head into Erik's beak. And as they fell together in an angsty fit of love, the switchblade lay on the floor, gratuitous and forgotten.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My favorite part is when "Erik" says "a raven bit my nipple this morning." It sets it up so he sort of arrives with this purpose and I hear him talking with that quiet, serious tone of his, so when you plug in "a raven bit my nipple," it just. XD I'm already having to steady my stomach. It wants to laugh more. XD

One more.

An Owl Plushie In Time

On a seductive and tipsy morning, Erik sat out in the open. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His stomach ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Lily to love someone with lofty hair?

Conspicuously, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a spacious golden chocolate box, all on a summer's day. I wish my Lily would bicker to me, in her own enthusiastic way..."

"Do you?" Lily sat down beside Erik and put her hand on Erik's middle finger. "I think that could be arranged."

Erik gasped boldly. "But what about my lofty hair?"

"I like it," Lily said smugly. "I think it's forlorn."

They came together and their kiss was like nobody's business.

"I love you," Erik said noisily.

"I love you too," Lily replied and bickered to him.

They bought a deer, moved in together, and lived silently ever after.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The way this turned out is just so uncanny. "Erik"'s hair IS lofty and forlorn, isn't it? I can't imagine him being self-conscious about it though.