So, I was talking with Kate, and I realized that besides her, none of my real friends read or take any interest in my writing. It's so much of who I am, yet they overlook it. It's kind of sad, really. It'd be neat if people I really knew were...you know, kinda like fans, except fan makes it sounds like ass-kissers. Fan to me is admirer of someone or their work, who actually kept themselves updated with it, at least sometimes. I don't have that among them. Obviously, I will not shove anything about me in their face. Perhaps they once explored in that area and found nothing to be interesting or inspiring enough to follow through with reading. I know what it's like to be on the outside and just not see anything in something, but that doesn't exactly take away my disappointment. I'm already used to doing a lot of stuff with only myself to "marvel" in it afterwards. Still, what I wish I had sometimes just turns all my feelings sour.

My dad sometimes asks when I'm going to publish. And I almost want to be like "you just automatically skip to the publishing step. you read nothing of mine, you don't even know if I'm actually a really shitty writer and have no chances of publishing."

Then of course, there are the friends that say they will read and don't. I can automatically count 7 people in the past couple months that have said they would read a story and never did. Fuck, I cannot believe how much that makes me want to ram my head into the wall.