This pretty much sums up where I’ve been retreating to in my head lately. Somewhere fuzzy, soft, warm, peaceful, carefree. I told a DA friend that I imagine Hare’s hypothetically got motown on his ipod, and he grooves to it while he’s baking. x)



My depression flared up and cued random crying in the middle of the night, and moodiness at work, and a lack of motivation to get anything done. There’s something special about Hare. Even when I’m struggling to enjoy things I know I like and want to think about — like my novel? That one that I should have finished plotting by August 31st? — with Hare, it’s no struggle. I’m unconditionally affected by, inspired by, cheered up by him. Whatever, if it’s embarrassing or incomprehensible to anybody else. What is that saying by druggies? Chasing the dragon? You can never snort heroin and have it be as glorious as the very first time? This is true of most things, but not Hare. (Just for clarity, I don’t do drugs. lol)

For that reason, my brain is scattered. I have an awful attention span and can’t get myself to look towards what’s important. Usually when I felt this way in the past I would accept inspiration wherever it was coming from, and I even went by this mantra a few months ago, but it’s different now: I told myself I would rewrite and revise a novel before 2014 ended so I could actually get off my ass and accomplish something as an artist — PUBLISH, goddamnit. I’m more than a year post-grad and what have I got to show for it besides garlic underneath my fingernails? (this was a pizzeria joke, in the high chance you didn’t get that.)

Am I going to end every paragraph with parentheses?!

Anyway, it’s just hard recently to strap down and get serious about writing about a girl and her stalker. Even though it’s fascinating. I’m off giggling about Hare having an ipod, and about the AIW hot-tub fanfic I put down. I even thought maybe I’d work on the drawings for the site, but then I was like “Jennifer you can’t just go back to AIW. You can’t just spend most of your year fangirling over something! You’re an adult now and you need to buckle down with your original content and MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF.”

*sighs most heavily and dramatically*

—J

P.S. There’s some good things, some quite monumental accomplishments for someone under a spell of self-hatred, that I’ve done lately, though: I thoroughly washed my car, I went to the bank, I checked out books at the library, and I printed my tickets to go see Neil deGrasse Tyson next week in Portland. WOOHOO