I don't know what happened, but I have been so tired on all my days off. It's 1:30 and I could take a nap right now, except if I don't go grocery shopping before work I'll have nothing to eat tonight. Was supposed to do it yesterday evening but I fell asleep for almost three hours after telling myself I'd rest my eyes before I got ready, and it just didn't work out.
When I think of fatigue, I always think of this metaphor I read about chronic illness, to do with "how many spoons you have". You wake up each day with a set amount of spoons that represent energy you can spend on what needs to get done. You give a spoon away so you can work, a spoon away to run an errand, a spoon away to meet a friend for coffee, a spoon to do homework, a spoon to work on a personal project, etc. etc. We know whether we've got enough to spend or not, and have to choose wisely how to spend them. When I have tired days and weeks like this, so much stuff has to be pushed to the wayside so I can spend what few spoons I have on the basic and mandatory things: work, preparing food, bathing.
It really sucks. I'm sure for those who are "few of spoons", they feel their body is sabotaging them. I know I feel sabotaged about my writing. I got sick or felt groggy so often this month that my brain is in a total fog about the rewrites, despite having such clarity last month. I'm fiddling around with stuff instead of getting anywhere, and I'm not even very excited about my chapter 10 notes, even if the material is good. I'm trying, but I feel my confidence draining out, just as it did when I got confused about chapter 6 almost TWO YEARS AGO, which really scares me, because look what happened. I didn't work on rewrites for all that time.
If I don't start talking with my editor circle and get help, I worry what will happen again. I'm going to have to get myself revved up.. I'll have to find some solid ground with chapter 9 once R & A have a look at it, and spring from that. Think it over in detail, get inspired. I stopped youtube surfing. My mind wandered off, is the thing. I read an unrelated book, and watched AIW, and gushed over Hare. I need to stare down my goal and only consume what would help me get there.
Actually, I know that I can get myself to write again, because a few days ago I wrote five solid pages of AIW fanfic in one sitting, and had such a good time of it that I was walking on springs the rest of the day. It's the one thing keeping me from feeling total crap right now, is that I did make progress with something else I wanted to be done eventually.
Positive thoughts, positive thoughts. Imagine Ethan Freeman Phantom giving you a lap-dance and a pep-talk at the same time. Drink a lot of coffee today, Jennifer. Down that shit. Do the shopping and then go to Starbucks and get yourself a Fucking Salted Caramel Mocha Frappachino. Yes, that is the full title of the drink.
Bye.
-J
When I think of fatigue, I always think of this metaphor I read about chronic illness, to do with "how many spoons you have". You wake up each day with a set amount of spoons that represent energy you can spend on what needs to get done. You give a spoon away so you can work, a spoon away to run an errand, a spoon away to meet a friend for coffee, a spoon to do homework, a spoon to work on a personal project, etc. etc. We know whether we've got enough to spend or not, and have to choose wisely how to spend them. When I have tired days and weeks like this, so much stuff has to be pushed to the wayside so I can spend what few spoons I have on the basic and mandatory things: work, preparing food, bathing.
It really sucks. I'm sure for those who are "few of spoons", they feel their body is sabotaging them. I know I feel sabotaged about my writing. I got sick or felt groggy so often this month that my brain is in a total fog about the rewrites, despite having such clarity last month. I'm fiddling around with stuff instead of getting anywhere, and I'm not even very excited about my chapter 10 notes, even if the material is good. I'm trying, but I feel my confidence draining out, just as it did when I got confused about chapter 6 almost TWO YEARS AGO, which really scares me, because look what happened. I didn't work on rewrites for all that time.
If I don't start talking with my editor circle and get help, I worry what will happen again. I'm going to have to get myself revved up.. I'll have to find some solid ground with chapter 9 once R & A have a look at it, and spring from that. Think it over in detail, get inspired. I stopped youtube surfing. My mind wandered off, is the thing. I read an unrelated book, and watched AIW, and gushed over Hare. I need to stare down my goal and only consume what would help me get there.
Actually, I know that I can get myself to write again, because a few days ago I wrote five solid pages of AIW fanfic in one sitting, and had such a good time of it that I was walking on springs the rest of the day. It's the one thing keeping me from feeling total crap right now, is that I did make progress with something else I wanted to be done eventually.
Positive thoughts, positive thoughts. Imagine Ethan Freeman Phantom giving you a lap-dance and a pep-talk at the same time. Drink a lot of coffee today, Jennifer. Down that shit. Do the shopping and then go to Starbucks and get yourself a Fucking Salted Caramel Mocha Frappachino. Yes, that is the full title of the drink.
Bye.
-J
Current Mood: 
sleepy
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