Random writer's thought of the moment:
STOP ABUSING THIS SENTENCE STRUCTURE: Character verbed, verbing.
Example: 1.) "She sauntered towards the fridge, plucking out a soda for both of them." 2.) "He looked her in the eye, leaning over her and caressing her forearm." 3.) "He ignored his invitation, fidgeting with his keys and passing him in a hurry."
First of all, as I said, just STOP. There are other ways to craft a sentence! There are COUNTLESS other ways to explain what's going on that are equally, usually MORE, precise about the order of actions, and the significance of each. This is a sure-fire way to level out significance everywhere.
But second of all, people do not seem to understand, even authors who are writing a really good story and have clearly been writing stories for a while, that this structure means BOTH ARE HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME. Take sentence one: "She sauntered towards the fridge, plucking out a soda for both of them." This cannot be done at the same time. She saunters towards the fridge first. Then she plucks out sodas.
I have had enough. Don't we all read our stories while we're writing them and notice this sort of laziness? It is lazy. It's lazy. I spend more time keeping tallies on when the author defaults to using this structure than really appreciating what's going on, sometimes. It's not something I want to do, I just can't help it. If I had to write in this structure all the time to get through my narrative, I would feel incredibly limited and bored.
Other ways to show a sequence of actions:
"She sauntered towards the fridge, plucking out a soda for both of them" becomes
"Once she'd sauntered towards the fridge, she decided to pluck out a soda for both of them."
"He looked her in the eye, leaning over her and caressing her forearm" becomes
"As he looked her in the eye, he began to lean over her and caress her forearm."
"He ignored his invitation, fidgeting with his keys and passing him in a hurry" becomes
"It would seem he was ignoring his invitation the way he fidgeted with his keys and passed him in a hurry."
Need I go on?
So simple.
The other options are just as simple but adding in that variety keeps your flow from getting stale and predictable.
This has been a PSA from a frustrated person who's not even writing anything right now. lol
STOP ABUSING THIS SENTENCE STRUCTURE: Character verbed, verbing.
Example: 1.) "She sauntered towards the fridge, plucking out a soda for both of them." 2.) "He looked her in the eye, leaning over her and caressing her forearm." 3.) "He ignored his invitation, fidgeting with his keys and passing him in a hurry."
First of all, as I said, just STOP. There are other ways to craft a sentence! There are COUNTLESS other ways to explain what's going on that are equally, usually MORE, precise about the order of actions, and the significance of each. This is a sure-fire way to level out significance everywhere.
But second of all, people do not seem to understand, even authors who are writing a really good story and have clearly been writing stories for a while, that this structure means BOTH ARE HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME. Take sentence one: "She sauntered towards the fridge, plucking out a soda for both of them." This cannot be done at the same time. She saunters towards the fridge first. Then she plucks out sodas.
I have had enough. Don't we all read our stories while we're writing them and notice this sort of laziness? It is lazy. It's lazy. I spend more time keeping tallies on when the author defaults to using this structure than really appreciating what's going on, sometimes. It's not something I want to do, I just can't help it. If I had to write in this structure all the time to get through my narrative, I would feel incredibly limited and bored.
Other ways to show a sequence of actions:
"She sauntered towards the fridge, plucking out a soda for both of them" becomes
"Once she'd sauntered towards the fridge, she decided to pluck out a soda for both of them."
"He looked her in the eye, leaning over her and caressing her forearm" becomes
"As he looked her in the eye, he began to lean over her and caress her forearm."
"He ignored his invitation, fidgeting with his keys and passing him in a hurry" becomes
"It would seem he was ignoring his invitation the way he fidgeted with his keys and passed him in a hurry."
Need I go on?
So simple.
The other options are just as simple but adding in that variety keeps your flow from getting stale and predictable.
This has been a PSA from a frustrated person who's not even writing anything right now. lol
Current Mood: 
annoyed
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