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So I was hoping that there would be more of a feeling of closure by now, with Halloween past and the sewing part of my costume project finished (besides an adjustment to the lining of the jacket... which I'll worry about down the line. No one can see it.) 

Instead, I feel like I am a ghost haunting a sewing house. Does that make sense?

I think it's because I applied for that job. That, and a lingering feeling of emptiness in place of the passionate/obsessive work I was doing. But definitely because of that job I applied for. We are able to check the status of our applications, which is cool, and mine was recorded as passing all mandatory requirements, which includes having advanced sewing knowledge. This is great news! But now I'm starting to think ahead, like "what if they ask me to do ___ and I don't know, or I just have to guess?" "What if it becomes apparent that I can't get my machine to make a button-hole? It would be embarrassing and disappointing if it turned out my "advanced sewing knowledge" had too many holes in it, so there is an understandable restlessness I'm feeling, to make sure I have tried my very best to be prepared and qualify for this position. I really want it. 

The restlessness is interfering with my original intentions of getting back to CRYSTAL PALACE, however, so there is also an understandable feeling of "...well??? Aren't you coming back to this?!"

It seems to me that following the restlessness in this case is actually wise, though. This position could really change my life (I like to think), point me in the right direction, shake things up, and make me grow. Did I think I'd be climbing the creative ladder from this side? Costumes? No. But it feels right, and it's important that I take a new direction if I want to end up happy and fulfilled. 

CRYSTAL PALACE can wait. It already has waited.

And one thing I've learned this year is that to become better at something, you have to admit you're not very good yet! I've been writing a long time, but I'm so, so stuck in both of my long projects. Maybe that I means I need to, you know, study writing the same way I studied sewing. I haven't studied effective storytelling since I was at UO, and that just seems sad and complacent. 

Whenever people feel they are in some kind of creative drought, I like to say that they are just in a certain part of a cycle. We create, and we also consume. Sometimes when we enter a period where we can't seem to create, it means we should be consuming: new interests, stories, activities, experiences. These things change the atmospheres in our heads, trigger new passions, sometimes bring about epiphanies for how to go about things that were stumping us before. Denying that part of the inspiration cycle is like expecting to be awake 24-hours a day. Nah... we need those Zzzz's... Pick up a cool book, learn about ____, explore other people's creations. 

I'm definitely in a creation period, but I think maybe I'm expecting too much creation. There really should be some consumption here that will prepare me for what else I want to do. Like finishing both my manuscripts. Like sewing for other cosplays.

I say, why not? Read about writing, watch more sewing tutorials.

It'd be useful to learn how to make gloves. 

Yeah, I say follow the restlessness and don't see it as a haunted sewing house. I can turn the light on in here. Hopefully next time I write in this journal there will be an update on the application status.