Hey,
I'll hold off on the bad news for a little while longer, I think. It's still being processed, and there may be yet more information. I will at least say that nobody needs to be worried.
Yesterday, I went back to the area where Becca and I had gone walking, and had another walk. heheh I stopped to overlook the river again, too. It was a lovely little time, with the waning sunlight throwing the trees in relief, with bright green rims. A subtle breeze shuffled them around. Even in the bugs in the air kind of looked like sparkles, and I was admiring them too. The sounds, the sights, the feeling, was very nostalgic, in a way it shouldn't be. In a way where you realize these things should've never been missing, because they are how you ground yourself.
They were also my inspirations, and I think I was able to write more in the past because I didn't feel physically and psychologically trapped. Being amongst the expansive beauty of a real, live, breathing planet was how my brain plugged into all the possibilities. That seems to be what has happened to me: I've become trapped and now I don't believe in anything anymore. I've self-soothed and relied on giving my brain such rails (and now I'm talking about being possibly autistic) that now there is scarcely new stimuli to remind me that life is ever-changing, and there IS so much to see.
I'd like to go on a hike, and I'd like to climb trees again. I'd like to find adventure buddies.
Also, I think I should finally buy that magnetic keyboard for tablets that has been sitting in my amazon list for over a year! It's time to take writing on the go. Standing there, overlooking the river, I felt like I could have backed up into one of the benches, whipped the tablet out, and gotten some pages done of HT, if I'd had that keyboard... and maybe also some bug repellent. hahaHAhaHA
~ ~ ~
Well, I have one more work week to punch out, and then it's time for a stay-ca. And though it has seemed my plans keep getting sabotaged during majority of my last stay-cas, I still want to make them.
1.) I definitely MUST drag myself to the mall (alone) and do a wardrobe overhaul. My clothes are so old, and I need to get rid of like most of the stuff in my dresser, honestly.
2.) I need a new blanket and new pillowcases. I'm trying to help my hair be less trash, so I'm looking for something silk, which should cut down on breakage.
3.) Schedule a tour for that apartment.
4.) Crack the fuck down on HT. Which means... fight the urge to spend all my time on Jareth.
Mostly, that's it. And I've been tryinggggg to get majority of this grunt-work with Jareth taken care of so that I won't be tempted to dedicate hours to it during my time off. It just is taking soooo long, and so many beads. lmao
Anway, woah, I just realized I'm out of time. See ya later.
I'll hold off on the bad news for a little while longer, I think. It's still being processed, and there may be yet more information. I will at least say that nobody needs to be worried.
Yesterday, I went back to the area where Becca and I had gone walking, and had another walk. heheh I stopped to overlook the river again, too. It was a lovely little time, with the waning sunlight throwing the trees in relief, with bright green rims. A subtle breeze shuffled them around. Even in the bugs in the air kind of looked like sparkles, and I was admiring them too. The sounds, the sights, the feeling, was very nostalgic, in a way it shouldn't be. In a way where you realize these things should've never been missing, because they are how you ground yourself.
They were also my inspirations, and I think I was able to write more in the past because I didn't feel physically and psychologically trapped. Being amongst the expansive beauty of a real, live, breathing planet was how my brain plugged into all the possibilities. That seems to be what has happened to me: I've become trapped and now I don't believe in anything anymore. I've self-soothed and relied on giving my brain such rails (and now I'm talking about being possibly autistic) that now there is scarcely new stimuli to remind me that life is ever-changing, and there IS so much to see.
I'd like to go on a hike, and I'd like to climb trees again. I'd like to find adventure buddies.
Also, I think I should finally buy that magnetic keyboard for tablets that has been sitting in my amazon list for over a year! It's time to take writing on the go. Standing there, overlooking the river, I felt like I could have backed up into one of the benches, whipped the tablet out, and gotten some pages done of HT, if I'd had that keyboard... and maybe also some bug repellent. hahaHAhaHA
~ ~ ~
Well, I have one more work week to punch out, and then it's time for a stay-ca. And though it has seemed my plans keep getting sabotaged during majority of my last stay-cas, I still want to make them.
1.) I definitely MUST drag myself to the mall (alone) and do a wardrobe overhaul. My clothes are so old, and I need to get rid of like most of the stuff in my dresser, honestly.
2.) I need a new blanket and new pillowcases. I'm trying to help my hair be less trash, so I'm looking for something silk, which should cut down on breakage.
3.) Schedule a tour for that apartment.
4.) Crack the fuck down on HT. Which means... fight the urge to spend all my time on Jareth.
Mostly, that's it. And I've been tryinggggg to get majority of this grunt-work with Jareth taken care of so that I won't be tempted to dedicate hours to it during my time off. It just is taking soooo long, and so many beads. lmao
Anway, woah, I just realized I'm out of time. See ya later.
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