Site advertisement on He's There has been unsuccessful for CP3. In fact, like "God" really really hates me, ever since I put the ad on the updates page, hardly anybody's been visiting the site! It's so discouraging.

More to the point of the entry. I wanted the use the journal the way I used to before updates and sort of just dump on what I've been thinking about lately and the ways I'm choosing to characterize. When my thoughts are articulated, I get in the mood more easily. Summer break has been the time I've chosen to return from HT hiatus because I'll only be working (hopefully.) I'm going to drop everything else, like Adventures in Wonderland fics, unless they can be fit in without any sacrifice.

Anyway, I was just having a conversation with myself (shut up!) about the implications of "Erik"'s eyes being called all variations of drilling by Lily. While his looks are not always sharp - it's hard for him to give the look when he's exhausted, or recoiling on the inside - I did mean for it to be more than just a way to point out that he has a very.. uh, not domineering, but present personality. Unavoidably intense, is a better way to put it, which makes looking at him face to face the kind of thing hard to do unless you're feeling equally with intention.

With both of their POVs in mind, I think I've considered the sharp eyes a way to suggest trespassing. They are still the eyes of someone who watched her many times when she didn't know it. She wishes to know him and looks into him, but he examines a place inside deeper than she's reached with him. The look makes her feel like she's mentally/spiritually or what have you, naked! Subconsciously, she knows he was and still is the person who not only wants to know who she is, but knows more than what he's been told, and depends on that to manipulate their reality. There's a strong motive beyond infatuation. His eyes always expect or wish.

At the same time, Lily had found herself doing a similar thing in the last couple chapters. She has finally found territory that he didn't even try to make known. The more she knows, the more she can counter his effect on her, and discover her own motives. Right now I think when she's "drilled" into him, it was to keep him from slipping out of grasp; to keep him under her observation when he would usually take his vulnerable self somewhere private. I think she also expects him, even though a relationship is the efforts of two people, to fix this border of personalities problem. "Make yourself fit." "Make it so we can be this way without interference, or problems, or sacrifices." He's going to feel stripped of protection from her when she realizes he won't be able to do these things. He's put his motives on the table and fights for them to be realized, and it's not working.

I have to be ambiguous so I don't spoil the plot. But, seriously, when I come back, there will be so much conflict, and more Leroux-inspired things than expected! I already have two places in the book where I know they must be incorporated.

One is Erik's line that they must get used to all things, even death.

The other is when he ties Christine's arms to keep her from trying to get away, and when he takes them off, he sees the marks and immediately laments hurting her. I could never see Erik bitch-slapping her like Lom!Phantom did, or throwing her down on a bed and jumping on her like Robert!Phantom. xD;; But I can see his desperation for keeping her under his control leading to containment that makes him uncomfortable to execute. Definitely, there will be some moments starting around Chapter 50 where Lily learns the best way to get what she wants (needs o_o) is to negotiate or out-wit him. He can hold her wrists with one hand. He is twice as fast and agile. She can hit him and his face won't show it.

I seriously can't wait to write about this. o_o Maybe I'll post an excerpt of something I was working on if I finish it up.