I plotted all of yesterday, and I elaborated several things this morning. There's still a little bit more work that needs to be done, perhaps some sporking notes I need to reread to get myself remembering all the things I wanted to do better for this section, but I actually feel the motivation to do it now that a significant amount of organizing has been completed.

And it feels great! It actually feels like chapter writing is on the horizon instead of the vague fantasy I've had of it the past year or so. *sigh* I'm always going to beat myself up for the months, even years, I've wasted not finishing my projects, but at least the fire still burns. At least this story still matters to me. At least people still care about it! These are all good things, yeah?

I think what inspired me to do it was actually just rereading a little bit of The Phantom of the Opera again. I got to the scene when Erik and the Persian are arguing about whether or not Christine actually loves him, and Erik is such a little shit, and then he says "welp, gotta go, I need to do some shopping". Somehow, this character who is a terrible person is just... so delightful. I can't explain it. And more, I like incorporating him into my "Erik", the way other adaptations have stirred him in while still going in their own directions.

Speaking of which, I had the pleasure of rewatching Charles Dance with a new friend who wasn't familiar with Phantom besides ALW and the silent film, and I was reminded how great his and Teri Polo's performances were. I love those two. But one particular thing I remembered is how Charles' Erik portrays depression. The way he so matter-of-factly mentions the way that he lives, the apathetic way he talks about his own death. When Christine says "there's more" to love than the platonic sort of relationship that they have at this point, and he says "I'm sure there is, but not for me."

This, I think, is how my "Erik" will insert so many true admissions without Lily being sure he means it. Just casually, as the character would say, talk about how no one cares, how he can't sleep, how pain is inevitable or necessary. I mean, she engages him in these conversations, she asks questions, she shows support, but... the alarm bells don't ring right away.

Anyway, said what I need to. I will post again when there's a chapter done.

September kicked off with 1,550 new words for He's There!

It... wasn't as much as I would have preferred... I was just experimenting with the scenes I was hesitating to write months ago, the ones where Lily and "Erik" meet in person for the first time. I'm still not sure how to bridge what I have so far with this night: I felt in chapter six I was struggling to properly piece together Lily's experience on her performance nights, which lead up to what I was writing yesterday.

So far, it's pretty dramatic in a subtle way, though. I've set it up so that she's attracted to him in pretty much every way but physically: the way he writes, his elusive mannerisms, his voice, his touch... But here they are, walking on a very dark forest path together, where he purposefully keeps out of sight (save for a silhouette) while engaging her in conversation and complimenting her. He stretches away the branches at the edge of the trees so she can step out, and once she knows he's behind her, and she will be able to see him, she almost can't turn around!

And then, uh oh: she can't decide if she's attracted to him. She can't even make out what she's seeing or why she's seeing it. She wasn't expecting a mask, and because she's afraid to make eye-contact it takes her forever to realize he has such long hair and it isn't a cape over his head. XD Lily isn't into Goth guys by default, let's just say. Even while he is sharply dressed, I think he gives that vibe pretty easily.

At this point, she's feeling kind of sensitive, though, and his charm is sticking out more than his weirdness. Her parents have bailed on her and cancelled seeing the production on the last night like they were supposed to, she's disappointed it's already over, and he's the one at least giving her attention and making her feel like she is still in a surreal state. "Erik" is purposefully poking at her because she can barely take a compliment -- one thing she says is all it takes for him to use her shyness and self-consciousness to draw out why she's even an actress. She says it's the one way she knows how to get what she wants while still hiding her true self from people, and he already guesses along those lines. It's the whole reason he's come to her like this. I'm still stuck on how exactly he will suggest a roleplay without being too straight-forward.

I suppose he might say he has some idea of what she wants, or he'll ask if she sees something in him she wants. Or perhaps that he sympathizes with her need to experiment without coming in direct contact. Something that has an unmistakable connotation that he's making himself available to her. I don't think she can really wrap her brain around the idea that he plans to simply not tell her who he is at all. Right away, he doesn't draw a line between a possible game they might start and the real world. He says she's gotten to know him very well, that most people never see him in person, and that she may call him Erik. She can't say that his seriousness during this discussion means anything, because he could just be good at pretending. He is simply going to pull the rug out from under her, and with Thanksgiving break starting the next day, and nothing really to distract her, and with relatives coming in and disrupting the house, she cannot stop replaying these interactions trying to get a grip on him. She doesn't know how to admit what happened to Mariam, who's busy anyway, so who's there to ignite her enthusiasm? Paulina. Paulina's there, ready to call him "THE PHANTOM!", "YOU HAVE A PHANTOM!"...

And to make it worse, she got close enough to him to catch his scent, which by then had rubbed off all over her book that she has been secretly whiffing nearly every night. He's set up her brain to associate him with all kinds of things she's drawn to, and he will continue to do so.

Phew! I should really just write this. I think with some work I could finish chapter 6 and half of 7 and then finish plotting, because I kind of sort of didn't nail out a complete plot... but it's... almost there. Kind of. I mean the main events are there. I-It's really weird reordering events, I must say.

Here I go.

May I just say, for the sake of keeping my spirits high, that things have been going marvelously!

I'm almost done reading ch11-30, I've had the spork notes churning around in my head, I've rescued all of the important scenes and moments from this part of the story, and I also found a way to remind myself what segments/quotes of writing I want to salvage. While-rereading I put together a messy outline similar to the one I used for the first arc, and it just needs to be re-organized. Still gotta decide which chapter signifies which transformation on the way to Christmas Eve.

Some of you know what happens at that time, some of you don't. Either way, I'm super stoked about getting to that point because it means I'll be very close to having enough rewritten to hand over the rest of the story to my "editors" for complete feedback. That is, assuming they want to give it. (cloudsinvenice, I look at you with the biggest puppy-dog eyes ever.) Having the first two arcs rewritten doesn't mean that the second two are perfect and won't be changed. To the contrary, changes WILL be made. The set-up for Winter Formal will change, the conversation she has with Giry afterward will be different, a hugely disturbing emotional event will be transplanted from somewhere far less appropriate, first draft's chapters 38 and 39 will be combined in some way, and chapter 40 will likely be transplanted somewhere earlier. But... those are all ideas I'll still have to think about if they work, so having it read as it is might be helpful.

Oh, is it just me, or is there something about LJ's entry writing screen that seems highly conductive to migraines? I'm not a huge migraine person, but I had two of them last week for the first time in months, and one of them started to happen while I was typing on this site. I don't usually have a problem with white backgrounds and black text...

ANYWAY, I hope to wrap up the most complicated part of plotting today and then spend the rest of the week reordering and maybe even just daydreaming about little details that can go in. I want to be creative this time and really flesh out what happens, have little things inspire bigger twists. I'm using something I somehow neglected to consider very much in the first draft: the power of misunderstandings and how they snow-ball. Now that I know Erik, I know how he might sneak real ideas into what Lily thinks is a game. It's immensely intriguing.

Auf wieder sehen!

-J