It took forever, but here's the third part, finally. I had a little period of time where I was too overwhelmed about going back to school to worry about fanfiction, or writing at all, or drawing, or anything. The good thing about some of this is that it wasn't all written and just left that way. I went back and edited in places to make sure that what I was trying to get across was coming across. :)

So, enjoy! There are 13 pages, so many favorite quotes ensued.


TRYING TUESDAY
Part 3

Given the mood Hatter was in, he knew it was best not to see anyone and just return home for some therapeutic activity, like drinking tea, or working on his time machine, but music was one thing that could compel a Wonderlandian without doubt. His anxious stride ceased, and he looked in the direction of the music, then stepped off the path.

He followed the heavy bass through several yards of shrubbery, ducking under tree branches and clearing the leaves from in front of him, until he was met with a small clearing, where the Tweedles were practicing some dance moves next to a boom box, and it was indeed booming. He watched them for a minute, smiling to himself – at least some of his friends were acting decently today. Dum noticed him after a moment and cued in his brother, but they finished their routine and Dee turned down the boombox immediately after.

“Hatter! What're you doing here?” Dum asked.

“Oh, I-I was just returning from Hare's.” Hatter's answer was quiet and guilt-ridden, and he stepped away from the trees with his hands shuffling like they didn't quite know what to do with themselves.

Dee gave Hatter a side-squint. “Are you having an argument or something?”

“Nooo, nope, he's just busy.”

“Well aren't you usually... busy... together?” In that moment that Hatter was silent, Dee thought to correct himself: “and I meant that in a completely platonic sense. Sort of.”

“Yeah, I know what you meant,” Hatter started, but he shrugged his shoulders. “Can't a Hatter just have some time to himself?” For whatever reason, he didn't want to tell the Tweedles what was going on back there. To him, it felt like Hare had some kind of contagious disease. He found a nearby tree stump and slumped down with his knees together and his fingers laced. That paired with his wistful expression really did make him look like a grieving family member in a hospital waiting room. Dee and Dum gave each other a knowing glance and stepped towards Hatter.

“Okay, clearly you're fighting,” Dee said, but Hatter shook his head.

“No, we are not. But I feel like, all of a sudden, he's sick of me.”

“Hare? 'Sick of you'? I don't think that's possible, Hatter.”

“Yeah, I mean, every time he doesn't get to hang out with you, he just mopes around like it's the end of the world. It's kind of annoying-,” Dum said, before Dee nudged him in the arm.

“Tsch. Well, everyone has their limits. Maybe he finally reached his.”

Dum and Dee were incredulous, but both gave Hatter a pat on the shoulder. A most uncomfortable silence followed until all three looked up at the sound of rustling bushes. “Goddamnit!” A very winded voice echoed through the trees. The trio stood up and started investigating, only to find that a white shape was rising from the bushes and making its rounds without much coordination. In no time, “Rabbit” realized he was being watched and collapsed on the ground, huffing and puffing.

Hatter and the Tweedles came to help him up, but he just kept rolling around, unable to get his balance. Eventually they just dropped him and tried not to pay attention to the fact that, below the waist, “Rabbit” was covered in powder-fine dirt and his fur was sticking out in all kinds of directions. He sighed to himself and said “hey, guys...”

“Hi, Rabbit... What's up?” Dum asked.

“Nothing's up. Everything's down and I'm completely screwed!” He answered, dusting himself off and trying to stand. He balanced himself up against a tree. While the Tweedles awkwardly scratched their heads in pity, Hatter just stood there, quiet and exanimate, clearly distracted from caring about anyone else's problems, but he saw that “Rabbit” noticed right away and seemed to be giving him a concerned stare while gripping to the tree. The corners of Hatter's mouth drooped as he averted his eyes, but Dee was quick to end the silence.

“The Queen's keeping you pretty busy, huh?” “Rabbit” snapped out of it.

“I'll say. I've never worked this hard in my life!”

“Wow, that bad, huh?” Dum said.

“Yeah, and, I mean, all things considered, I was almost staying on top of everything, but now her Majesty wants me to take this ring to the royal jeweler so she can wear it to the ball! And you should see her ring collection! Money problems, my ass! Hatter and I had every right to get two pots of tea last nigh-.” All the while he was swishing and gesturing his hands, but he stopped as everyone's gaze on him grew sharp in disbelief. “I mean Hatter and Hare. That's what I meant. I'm just tired. ...And put it all together, Ra- the-the Queen keeps calling me and telling me what to do... If I could, I'd throw this phone into the Wonderland Springs.”

His tone the entire time threw off his listeners, not to mention the upbeat and highly non-English inflections. Hatter thought that, for the first time, Rabbit seemed like he could be normal. He cleared his throat. “Sorry, Rabbit.”

Suddenly, “Rabbit” turned to him with his brow sloping like a tent in frustration. “Oh, you don't have to be sorry! It's not your fault! At the very least, tell me you'll have a good time tonight,” he started, then scrunched up. This was not coming off like the Rabbit they all knew and not-hated-nor-particularly-loved at all. “Rabbit” checked in all directions before saying: “you don't mind if I take a little break, do you?”

Everyone slowly shook their heads and helped “Rabbit” roll to the clearing, where he dropped to the stump on which Hatter had been moping and unlatched his rollerblades. He chucked them a good distance away and raised his face to the sky with his eyes closed, taking in the feel of the breeze against his sweaty fur. The Tweedles and Hatter sat nearby, trying to get back to normal conversation.

“Well, anyway, Dum and I were practicing a little number for the ball. We figured we'd surprise the Queen with a little tribute.”

“Oh, that's neat...” Hatter trailed, watching “Rabbit” out of the corner of his eye for any more suspicious behavior.

“Want us to show it to you?”

“Why not?”

The music started again, and the Tweedles tried their best to their two guest's frowns upside down, and it seemed to be working. Both Hatter and “Rabbit” seemed entertained by their synchronous jumping, and Dum's over-the-top gymnastics. But about halfway through the song, Hatter stood up and turned the Tweedles' number into an improvised expression of friendship, one so tempting for “Rabbit” that he just shot up and hooked arms with Hatter as if it was the most natural thing to do. For a split second, Hatter went along with it; then he realized who was his dancing partner. Everyone froze, except “Rabbit”, who furrowed his brow and said quite indignantly “what, I can't dance too?!”

Hatter looked him straight in the eye and sensed something was completely off, just as he had earlier, but the Tweedles didn't question it. Dum pressed a button on the boombox and a new song started up.

* * *
Despite the morning's strange occurrences, it was a sparkling summer day, and the boys were running through a field, swiping their hands across the pink foliage of the woeberry trees and laughing their heads off. After a dance in the forest and a pit-stop at Hatter's for some lemonade, they played a prank on the Caterpillar and then ran as far away from the area as possible. Nevermind that Caterpillar couldn't have even chased them, being that his body was the shape of a stack of donuts and the weight of several king size mattresses, an observation whose first half was made by Hatter, and the ladder half by “Rabbit”. When they were done being amused by this, “Rabbit” tripped and rolled to the ground, and the others copied him, figuring he was just kidding around. Instead, he sort of hit his head on a stone and laid there a minute while the others were making comments about the shapes of clouds. Eventually, Dee glanced over and saw, through the tall blades of grass, that there was a motionless mound of fur about ten feet away.

“Rabbit, are you okay?” A glove-clad hand rose and cupped itself over his head.

“Yeah, I'm fine... Just hot.”

“Me too. I think it's time to go back home; at least, for me,” Dee said.

“No, I hear you, brother.” The Tweedles stood up and dusted themselves off. Hatter did the same. “We'll see you guys at the ball?”

Hatter reassured them, but took his time on his way off. “Rabbit” was clearly struggling to get up again and looked wearily over to the blades that he had dropped. Hatter rolled his eyes and stepped in front of him. “You need some help?”

“I...I...” And the bunny looked around first before taking his hand. “That's very kind of you, Hatter~,” he tried to say in a British manner. He took a few deep breaths, hoping for another cool breeze. The Wonderland forest was a vast and beautiful place, but the body Hare had today was very susceptible to the heat, and his surroundings looked more like an obstacle course of green and pink, promising to claim him before he ever returned to the palace.

“You don't look so good,” Hatter noted. “Rabbit” clutched his blades and stood up.

“I think I should've had more lemonade.” Hatter chuckled as they made their way back into the forest.

“Let's ditch this joint, then.”

* * *

At the Wonderland ice cream parlor, Hatter and “Rabbit” took a rather intimate table in the corner. Hatter was enthusiastically licking a triple-fudge ice cream cone, and “Rabbit” had the Rainbow Pop-Rock Swirl. Hatter wanted to point out that it had long been Hare's favorite, but he didn't feel like bringing up Hare today. It was enough of a miracle that “Rabbit” wasn't questioning him about being alone. However, Hatter observed his companion and found that he was full of glee about this treat, and there was nothing in his posture that suggested he felt odd to be just hanging around an ice cream shop with him.

“Rabbit, I can honestly say, I never thought this,” and he swished his hand, “would be happening. I don't think my day could get any weirder, frankly. I hope you don't take offense to that.” “Rabbit” glanced at him, flushed air out of his nose, and smiled widely to his own lap.

“No, I don't. But I'm glad you came along. People don't, uh... well, they don't give me a lot of attention.”

“Well, most of the time you don't act like you want anyone to give you attention.”

“Rabbit” inhaled like a thought was just at the end of his tongue, but hesitated. “Ehhh, well, yes, I suppose you've got a point! I just get distracted. You know, my hours are brutal, the Queen shows up out of nowhere... I've gotta make sure I don't have my tail cut off, you know?!”

Hatter couldn't stop from chuckling. “Yes, I know what you're saying, but don't trade a heart for a tail, now! You can have both!” “Rabbit” giggled too, though he abruptly quieted himself.

“You're right. In fact, just yesterday Hare called me a tight-ass, and I was quite upset! But then I realized that, yes, I should stop being such a tight-ass!” Hatter's mouth dropped in even harder laughter, but “Rabbit” was way ahead of him. “Hghaghagghaghghahghahha!”

And as the ice cream atop their cones grew smaller and smaller, talk of all kinds of things filled the time and made it speed by. If Hatter had known what knowledge Rabbit had of tea, or of recipes, or of all the outrageous shows they had on the Hat Channel, they would've talked all the time, he thought.

“Well, I think you've definitely succeeded at not being a tight-ass anymore, and you seem happier. ...Hare has great advice.” Hatter paused as his gaze dropped to the table. “Usually. On a good day...”

“I-I'll tell him 'thank you',” “Rabbit” trailed.

“Why would you tell him 'thank you' for me?!”

“Oh, well, just to save you some time! If I saw him before you did! Besides, I should anyway; I'm the one who took the advice.”

“Fair enough,” Hatter replied, his eyelids half closed. “Rabbit” was afraid to look him in the face for too long. There were things about it just cuing a long battle of expressions that would usually ensue if he were in the right body, but, as he was not, Hare had to resort to stifling giggles and finally stuffing the cone in his mouth. Hatter shook his head with facetious disapproval. “So what are you doing before the ball?”

“The ball?” Hatter darted his eyes around, but “Rabbit” started to sink in his seat as if his own sudden angst was a black hole, swallowing him. “Oo-oh God!" He shot up from his seat. “I've gotta go!” He rushed out of the parlor, taking one bite of the cone and throwing the rest over his head. Hatter had to dodge it as he followed. “Oh, my time management is AWFUL! I just realized all the things I have to do, and there's no way I'll make it!”

“I-I could help you!” Hatter shouted from behind him. “Rabbit” shot around.

“Are you serious?” Hatter caught sight of “Rabbit”'s grey-green eyes, the same ones that has been squinting impetuously at his partner only a day prior.

“W-well I have awful time management, too, but maybe two of us have a fighting chance.”

“Oh, Hatter!” He responded. Hatter could've sworn for a second that he looked on the verge of throwing his arms around his shoulders. Instead, he fidgeted and finally struck his hand into his vest pocket. “Here! Take this ring to the royal jeweler, and then meet me at the courtyard gate. I'll let you in!”

Hatter's eyes widened as he took the ring, feeling, for some reason, like a Svengali, perhaps because Rabbit's interests were never his, but nevermind that! Nevermind anything! For the first time on this day, he had a purpose! He dashed off with the ring in his fist, and his fist high in the air. Hare laid his hand over his heart and gazed in his direction until he disappeared into the trees.

What a man.

* * *

“Rabbit” seemed way too giddy leading Hatter through the palace gates when he returned. If he didn't know better, he'd think there was some kind of perverse excitement for him about getting caught by the Queen, even though he was obsessively jerking his head in every direction to make sure she wasn't coming. Hatter didn't want to be rude, so he let himself be tugged to safety despite how tightly those 70-year-old hands were clasping his forearm. To make matters worse, the bunny was sliding all over the place and knocked him right in the shin with his back wheels on accident. Hatter expected the journey to be short and for safety to be just around the bend, but as they passed various rooms, like the royal lounge and the royal ballroom, then several halls and a twisting passage way with windows revealing the royal gardens, he got a bit exasperated.

“Rabbit, no offense, but, will you just pick a place, already? What do I have to do to help, anyway?”

“Uhh, sorry, Hatter! I guess I just got a little confused. I was looking for the royal dining room. The Queen wants me to set the table.”

“You? Confused? Couldn't you navigate this place in your sleep by now?”

“Well! Igh...” He thought this one out. “Maybe ten years ago, but my brain is half cobwebs by now.”

“Since when?!”

But before “Rabbit” could answer, they entered the next room bubbling with laughter, and that room happened to be the throne room somehow. “Well that's funny. How did we end up-” “Rabbit” started, before he spotted the Queen stomping in from the garden with the portable phone in her hand.
“Rabbit? Is that you? Where've you been?! And what was all that laughter about?!”

Hatter's jaw dropped, and before the Queen could see him he scrambled into the hallway they had just entered from, all the while being helped along by his companion, who was a little too careless about which body-parts he shoved out of view. He almost fell face-first, but successfully tumbled over to his side and backed into the wall. From behind the door, he could hear “Rabbit”'s nervous laughter, like a machine gun... Like a machine gun...

He couldn't exactly make out the muffled conversation that followed, until the Queen's voice rose: “Did I TELL you I wanted that done today?! Didn't I give you an already indecent list of chores?! I swear, it's like you forgot there's a ball! Out of my way.” And with that, Hatter heard the sound of rollerblades smacking the floor, and a thud. “Oh!! For Christ's sake!”

When the door swung open, Hatter was glued to the wall with his arms and legs as tightly against his body as if he were in a coffin, and he didn't dare breathe, but he could see in the corner of his eye that “Rabbit” was down on the floor with his hand stretched towards the open door. The Queen looked Hatter up and down.

“What the hell is this?”

“Uhh, uhh!” “Rabbit” struggled for stance and dusted himself off. “Don't you remember, your Majesty? It's a... statue.” The Queen squinted with her hands on her hips, hardly impressed.

“Well it doesn't match. Get rid of it.”

“Are you sure?” At that, the Queen turned around and gaped at him. “I mean, I-I don't think it looks horrible, it-”

“Are you kidding me? That thing's TACKY. It looks just like Hatter, right down to the T. It's like a creepy Wax Museum replica. I don't want that in my palace. It's enough seeing him in person.”

“Alright, I'll make sure to move it,” he answered gravely, but Hatter noticed he made eye-contact with a tiny smile on his face. However, a very uncomfortable silence followed, in which the Queen darted her eyes between servant and statue and then began to tap her foot.

“Well?”

“Oh! You wanted me to move it... right now.”

The Queen had locked in a face of most impatience, so “Rabbit” slapped his hands together and approached the statue. Hatter started to get anxious. Their combined weight on all those wheels? It wasn't looking like a promise. Once “Rabbit” was in front of him, he glanced at the Queen again just to make sure this had to happen right in front of her, then his arms tucked around the back of Hatter's legs and he attempted to thrust him up like he really was made of wax. The closest thing to success that he achieved was a repeated tugging motion before the group heard a whole bunch of cracks. Rabbit looked up to Hatter, who badly wanted to shake his head, as if to say “you should've never done that”, then rolled down to the floor like jelly.

“Rabbit?” The Queen asked in more of an exasperated tone than a concerned one. “Are you okay?”

“What happened?” “Rabbit” responded, with a voice that sounded like he'd been punched in the gut and eyes that traveled the room in agonized confusion.

“Well it sounds like you threw out your back. Oh harumph! Just what I need!” She looked down to her lackey, who propped himself up like he might want to walk it off, but rolled over with a hand covering his hip and pressed his cheek against the tiles. “Oy. Hold on a second. I'll get some ice,” she said, and she walked off. Hatter's eyes were starting to glaze from blink-deprivation, but once she was out of sight, he looked down.

“Are you okay?”

“Nope, not at all.” Hatter tented his brow for about half a second before their previous conversation came to mind.

“I can't believe she called me tacky.”

While “Rabbit” was administering himself a lower-back rub, Hatter's pondering continued, until he looked down. “Do you need help getting up?”

“No, don't. I'm afraid to move, actually,” he answered, and his words were plagued with anxious giggling again. “But... but don't worry about the Queen - she doesn't know what she's talking about,” “Rabbit” continued, when a shadow covered him. He took his hand from over his eyes and saw that she was somehow back in a flash, holding a bag of ice, but looking like she might use it to give him a good spanking.

“What's that, you said?”

“Uhh, nothing.”

“And to WHOM where you speaking?”

“T-there's not a single 'whom' in the entire palace besides you and me, yer Majesty.”

The Queen squished her lips together and tossed the ice at him. “I don't have time for this.” And, with that, she glared at the statue before exiting in a very flustered state.

* * *

About twenty minutes later, Hare was propping up his fluffy Rabbit body up in a cushy chair in the conservatory. In front of him were twenty-seven elegant vases and a whole mount of red roses. He scrolled down his list of chores and said “Hatta~” as British-ly as he could, and the door to the closet behind him opened up and Hatter saluted him. “I'll give you the roses and you trim off the leaves, okay? Then I'll tie them all up with ribbons.”

“Righty-roo,” Hatter replied, then tip-toed towards the table and took the roses and a pair of clippers. He closed the closet door behind him, and it remained closed for about ten seconds as Hare sighed to himself, but suddenly it swung open.

“By the way? Rabbit? Thanks for taking the fall, literally, for me. I thought it seemed more like you just to have me leave rather than come up with some front about statues.”

“Ehh, well,” he tried to respond more like his persona, “it's the least I could do. I need your help, especially now that I pulled something. In fact, it's too bad you can't give me a backrub!- Back-hand-... give me a hand, with the... table.” During the entire sentence, his face contorted into various shapes, then settled for a frown that made his mouth look like a gate with a broken hinge.

“Why can't I? I said I'd help.” “Rabbit” darted his eyes around.

“Nevermind. I don't know where I was going with that.”

Hatter threw up his hands, equally lost, and began to prune the roses with the closet door ajar. “Well... and I'm sorry you threw out your back,” he muttered. “I know how that one feels.”

“Rabbit” crossed his arms with a smile creeping up his face. “Yes, I know. I thought you'd never get better,” he said to the window, where the trees swayed in the wind, perhaps promising a breeze that would tame the humid night and keep him from fainting on the job. He got lost in that hope as the ice numbed his body, and his eyes began to close, but still, he smiled.

“I guess I was a little overbearing, wasn't I?” Hatter asked, breaking up the sound of snipping clippers.

“Hm?”

“You remember! That time we shared your bed. Hah, I thought it was fun staying here, but now that I think about it, the signs point to you wanting me to disappear.”

“Of course not!” “Rabbit” answered, straightening himself in the chair, then sinking back down. “I mean, uhh... uh... Let's just forget about the past. Maybe I was annoyed, but that's just because you move around too much in bed.”

“I know! It's genetic, I think,” Hatter placated, “totally beyond my control. And I distinctly remember, on the third night, that I kneed you in the asscrack. I apologize for that.” The bunny whose back remained towards him was shaking his shoulders by now, but keeping his face well hidden. Hatter leaned out the closet door to make sure this was amusement of forgiveness and not just Rabbit bursting into tears about his awful life. It was hard to read him from there, so he returned to his work, but less than carefully. “AHH!”

“What's the matter?” Despite what wonders the ice was doing, “Rabbit” twisted around and saw blood oozing from Hatter's finger. Instinctively, he squirmed out of his seat with his hand on the afflicted spot, then shuffled on his knees. “Is it bad?”

“I would say so; yes!”

“Wait a minute – I'll find you a bandaid!” Hatter watched as the bunny reached for the counter-tops and opened drawers with a less than perfect coordination. Hatter got up and aided him until he found a small white box, but as he was opening it, he tripped right over “Rabbit”'s leg and went down right next to him. When he rolled to face him, he saw that he was clenching his teeth, then noticing that Hatter was sucking his finger.

“Hatter, don't suck your blood,” he said.

“Sorry, I got nervous.” He popped out his finger and grimaced.

“Let me see it,” “Rabbit” grunted. Hatter lent his hand without questioning. “It doesn't look too bad – I've gotten worse cuts before.... Oh, but I can tell it hurts,” he muttered while Hatter's eyes were averted. He spent a longer time than for Hatter was prepared examining his finger and blotting it with alcohol. He felt the bandaid close over the cut, but then the glove-clad hands, previously brushing against his skin, paused completely, and when he dared to gauge “Rabbit's” expression, he found that he was on his way to crying. It was pretty much the most awkward moment of his entire life.

“Uhm.”

“Hatter... If you don't mind me asking, why are you here?” Hatter inhaled like he knew the answer right away, then furrowed his brow.

“Because I... I... today s-... It just felt like today-- Hey, you asked me for help.”

“Yeah, but when would you have cared if I asked you for help? I'm- I'm Rabbit, for God's sake!” Hatter tensed up.

“Well it's not that I didn't care all those other times, I just-”

“You had someone else. I-I mean you had enough to do. We haven't exactly ever had much to do with- with... Oh, I'll just come out and say it: why aren't you with Hare?” The way “Rabbit” wouldn't look him in the eye sent up all kinds of uncomfortable flags for Hatter based on his experience with that behavior, so many that he finally realized he should withdraw his hand, only to find that the bandaid he had received was heart-patterned.

While Hatter was realizing the implications of the heart-patterned bandaid, Rabbit was at the palace gates, wondering why the Queen was being such a bitch.

He found her flopping breathlessly into her throne with a hand lowering a portable phone, but when she noticed the strange man outside the courtyard, her eyes bugged out of her head. After an argument about who he was, she came to the gates, squinted, and finally recognized her “favorite” Wonderlandian.

“I promise I'll be quick, yo'a~ Majesty, I just need to speak with him for five minutes.”

“You can forget about it! He's already behind on his chores!” And the Queen stamped her foot more furiously than usual, causing “Hare” to flinch.

“I-I understand that, but it was my intent to keep him on track,” he started. “Funny as it sounds...” The Queen craned her neck back and forth.

“Why would he need to be supervised by you?! If you were the one preparing for this ball, I'd have more luck having no servant at all. And what the hell's up with this?” she added, swishing her hand at his Jehovah's Witness clothes.

“I-I.. it seemed like a more reasonable thing to wear. You see, I wanted to, um, apologize about last night. It was very troubling for Hatta~ and I to've complicated dinner. For now on, I'd like to try being more helpful.”

“Hare” nodded politely and held his hands together in front of him, but his hair was starting to break from the binds of his mousse and strike up like antennas. The Queen thought this one over, incorporating his penny-loafers, his strange accent, and the drunken blur that was dinner into her many years of memories with this man, then answered accordingly:

“I really don't give a shit, Hare. Now go away.”

“B-but, but, but I cahn't! This is very important!”

“Not more important than my ball!”

“But it's about your ball! Rabbit just needed my help, uh... testing my Carrots Jubilee recipe. I lent it to him and he doesn't want to mess it up.”

“Carrots Jubilee?! I never told him to make Carrots Jubilee!”

“I mean, uh, uhhh, it was something that started with a C, perhaps I forgot exactly-. You know how many recipes he has, but I can assure you it was something you picked. Actually, he's ahsked for my culinary advice before, and it's done wonders,” he rambled, in all truthfulness despite its desperation. The Queen just made a chatty-cathy gesture and rolled her eyes, completely overlooking the fact that “Hare”'s were glazed over from angst. He watched her stroll away and slumped against the fence.

Although the idea of breaking any rule that her Majesty ever set forth was outside of his sphere of consideration, something -- perhaps the fact that he was outside his own body, in one with no particular care for such strict regulations -- made him reconsider staying where he was. After all, the gate was wide open, and Rabbit knew better than anyone that the palace was not exactly up on its security. Even so, he tip-toed inside with as much caution as if the throne room were a bank vault with a laser alarm system, then disappeared down the royal hall.

* * *

Back in the conservatory, things were getting heated. “Hatter, it's not like that! I just wouldn't want you two to be fighting about something- something so silly!”

“Rabbit, I know we've talked a lot today – honestly, I've enjoyed it – but this is really not a conversation I want to have with you.”

“Well you're not having it with Hare... and if not with anybody, it's just going to eat at you. Besides, I thought you were going to make that hat today! It could've been a great time to discuss your relationship.”

“Rabbit, I really- How'd you know about the hat?” Hatter asked, and their tense union of faces above the first aid kit ceased. “Rabbit” retracted and spat out as easily as pie:

“He told me.”

“Oh, did he now? It seems like he's been talking to you a lot! It must've been to complain about the Queen's parties, as that's all I heard about today.”

“Nooo! Oh, don't listen to him. He's just having a rough day. There's no one who doesn't like the Queen's parties. Not even me!” He answered, hand on his heart. Hatter just sat there, mouth agape, like the world as he knew it was upside-down. “And I'm ashamed of you for shirking me off- I mean shirking off Hare just because you weren't on the same page about everything. You never have been anyway.”

“Yes, we have!”

“Believe me. You haven't.” Hatter chuckled defensively.

“Why would I believe you? Are you some kind of expert on us?” “Rabbit” stumbled over his words. “And how do Hare and I not get along?”

“Well, for one, you assume he wants just as much sugar in his tea as you do. I mean, seriously, lay off. For two, whenever you visit, you're never patient with him; it's always 'let's go! Let's do what I want! Nananananannaa.' And you're never happy with what he brings back from the grocery store! As if he's just supposed to be psychic!” Hatter gasped.

“N- I give him lists! If I tell him what I want, then he doesn't need to be psychic!”

“Well that's another point entirely – it's always about what you want! A relationship is mutual. You know? If I feed you ice cream, then later you should give me a backrub instead of roll over and pretend you're asleep.”

“But how do you know all of this? What, is Hare complaining to you in his spare time?”

“Rabbit's” brow furrowed. “N-no, that's not it; there's just things I notice! You know, I'm old and no one pays attention to me, so it's easy to pass judgment on others.”

Somehow, Hatter didn't question it in his delicate state. Instead, he slumped over and gazed mournfully out the window. “Oh, you're probably right. There must be something wrong if I woke up and Hare treated me like I had raging syphilis, then proceeded to avoid me all day and do everything but tell me I should leave.”

“I told you it's nothing to be concerned about! It's just that time of the month.”

“I-I guess, but-”

“You should go and make up!”

“I-I just never thought you cared about our relationship. I mean Hare and I's.”

“Of course, I care! It's the most beautiful thing ever! I-I mean I. I just hope I can have the same thing before I... you know... kick the bucket."

As Hatter was stunned by emotional confusion, they heard “harumph”ing headed towards them. “Oh God, the Queen's coming!” Hatter sprung up and darted for the closet, but “Rabbit” gripped his arm and looked up to him sternly. “You've gotta go.”

“But I don't know how to get out of here!”

“Just go out that door and see where it takes you,” “Rabbit” assured him while tugging and shoving him in its direction. When Hatter opened it, he stumbled into sunlight and found himself in the garden. He dashed away without thinking.

* * *

As Rabbit was slouching over a familiar counter-top in the royal kitchen, nibbling on a bran muffin with his eyes half-closed, he heard trudging coming down the stairs, which he knew was not graceful enough sounding to be the Queen's heels. It sounded more like a bunch of rolling wheels. He went to check the stairwell, and surely enough, Hare was coming down the steps with a notion of life or death in his mind as he gripped the railing. His eyes wandered to the sight of his own body and that took his feet right out from under him. As he was tumbling all the way down the stairs, Rabbit stepped out of the way but couldn't help but wince at seeing the pain his own body was in once it was lying on the floor in front of him.

Hare began to groan as he held his hip. Finally, Rabbit reached out and gave him a hand, but Hare could do no more than use it to bring himself to his knees. “Rabbit, this body is not working out.”

“I'm sorry to hear that.”

“It was funny at first, but now! Everything's in pain, and I can't even get Hatter's attention anymore. I mean you're so old-"

"Okay, I get it-"

"I looked in the mirror and thought I had died! It was the perfect lighting for it and everything-”

"I said I get it, He'a~," Rabbit reiterated, leaning toward him with a twitching eyelid. "Don't think I've enjoyed looking like you. Everywhere I go, I feel like the 80's threw me up. Because I tasted bad." Hare puckered his lip and found it a very hard time doing so given his teeth were now twice as large.

“Well, I hate to point it out, but you look about as tasty as that muffin now.”

“This is a very tasty muffin,” Rabbit asserted.

Hare rolled his eyes, then asked “how'd you get in here” with his fingers gathering the bridge of his nose.

“I walked right through the throne room.”

“Oh.”

“How's this all going? You haven't fallen too far behind on your wor~k, have you?”

“No, of course not. I finished the flower cutting, I did the shopping, mopped and vacuumed, baked the cookies... Fixed the Tiki Bar...”

“Well, good to know, because I shouldn't even be here helping you. The Queen has no idea-” Rabbit started, but Hare shouted right over him.

“But I don't want to be in this body anymore!”

Rabbit watched himself cry in his hands for a second before averting his eyes. “We've been through this, He'a~; I don't hahve any ahnswers for you yet. We're just going to have to hope that this spell or whatever the bloody hell it is wears off in due time.”

“Due time?! I think it might be 'due time' that Hatter doesn't love me anymore. He hasn't spent time with you all day, because he thinks I don't like him anymore. I shouldn't have told him we couldn't have sex-”

“Ogh, please!” Rabbit abruptly grimaced and covered his eyes, despite the fact that it did nothing to block out mental images. “Would you just calm down?”

“What's happened between you? Why didn't you guys make that hat?!”

“Because I was busy trying to figure out why we switched bodies! Oh, for Heaven's sake – Hatta~ loves you; trust me. When I was ignoring him, he looked quite sad about it.”

Hare inhaled with another question in mind just as the door at the top of the stairs opened. He scrambled for stance and swatted his hands towards him. “Just pretend you're a statue!”

“I-I-, what? I'm not gonna-”

“RABBIT – I NEEDED 29 VASES; THERE AREN'T ENOUGH.”

By then, the Queen was making her way down, so Rabbit flung himself towards the wall by the refrigerator, hoping the shadow it created would hide him from view. The Queen stopped at the foot of the stairs and took a look around to make sure Rabbit wasn't slacking, but she was surprisingly observant today. “What's Hare doing down here?”

“I-it's just another statue, yer Majesty~"

“No, it's not; I would never buy anything that ugly!” She turned towards “Hare”. “Hare, if you think you can screw around with my bunny on the day of the ball, you're trippin' assholes.” “Hare” bit his lip and stepped out from the shadow, eyes darting from his diva to his double.

“Pardon my honesty, yo'a~ Majesty, but you don't understand. If I don't stay here, something disastrous might happen."

"I thought we sorted this shit! I saved you, you saved me, and I'm in no immediate danger. If your mother is meddling again, I-"

Suddenly all three of them were speaking at once, their voices tangled into an argument of not much coherence. Finally, the Queen threw up her hands and started swishing towards the door. “I don't care what this is about! Hare, you will leave my palace and let Rabbit get back to work, or you won't be allowed at the ball!”

The two bunnies shared a crestfallen glance and followed her up the stairs with their heads low.




Favorite Quotes

Given the mood Hatter was in, he knew it was best not to see anyone and just return home for some therapeutic activity, like drinking tea, or working on his time machine, but music was one thing that could compel a Wonderlandian without doubt.

Nevermind that Caterpillar couldn't have even chased them, being that his body was the shape of a stack of donuts and the weight of several king size mattresses...

“You? Confused? Couldn't you navigate this place in your sleep by now?”

“Well! Igh...” He thought this one out. “Maybe ten years ago, but my brain is half cobwebs by now.”

“Are you okay?”

“Nope, not at all.” Hatter tented his brow for about half a second before their previous conversation came to mind.

“I can't believe she called me tacky.”

"It was very troubling for Hatta~ and I to've complicated dinner."

“Well, for one, you assume he wants just as much sugar in his tea as you do. I mean, seriously, lay off."

As he was tumbling all the way down the stairs, Rabbit stepped out of the way but couldn't help but wince at seeing the pain his own body was in once it was lying on the floor in front of him.

“Well, I hate to point it out, but you look about as tasty as that muffin now.”

“This is a very tasty muffin,” Rabbit asserted.

“Hare, if you think you can screw around with my bunny on the day of the ball, you're trippin' assholes.”