I was stupid enough not to bring my flash drive before I drove to Starbucks for internet, but it was on that flash drive that I was saving my work while working on my mom's laptop. Mine was having some trouble. Let's not get into that.
Anyway, part four is what I luckily have available! And it's 17 pages long, so maybe that'll be enough for my readership of... 1? XD
CRYSTAL PALACE 4 – Part 4 – The Soup of the Day
EXT. RESTAURANT. TUESDAY MORNING.
At the mouth of the restaurant's front parking lot, Cosmo's shitty white car pulls in. We follow him as he parks and steps out, then exhales deeply. The morning is already marked by a clear, golden sky and Cosmo can feel the heat, but he looks to the restaurant and approaches with a smile, carrying a colorfully patterned thermos.
As he enters the restaurant, he finds that the air conditioner isn't running, and everyone is already shuffling around in short-sleeved shirts. Past the front counter and near the private hall, he sets down his thermos tentatively when Mr. Quellini appears.
MANAGER
Hey, Cosmo, welcome aboard!
COSMO
Hello!
Another employee, a man around his age, appears by his side.
CRAIG
Excuse me, but, could I get in right behind you? I just need to punch something in.
Cosmo moves away from what he discovers is a computer, only to find that he's stepped right into his boss's personal space, but Mr. Quellini just gives him a close once-over.
MANAGER
Long-sleeved shirt, huh? Very professional. Ya look great.
COSMO
T-thank you. Um, pardon me for asking about such a silly thing on my first day, but, what happened to the air conditioning?
MANAGER
Oh, you noticed! You don't miss a thing, do you? Yes, we got it fixed yesterday. The thing was definitely overcompensating, wasn't it?
COSMO
Eheheh, yeah...
He turns away and frowns to himself until he notices someone in his peripheral. He looks up and an attractive, curvy cashier is waving at him.
MARY
Hi, new guy.
COSMO
H-hello. Nice to meet you.
MARY
What's your name?
COSMO
Cosmo.
She makes a sound he can't interpret – is she amused or aroused? Mr. Quellini leans towards his ear.
MANAGER
Don't let her distract you, now. She's been known to lay it on a little thick, let's just say. Well! It's a minute to eight – you'd better clock in. I put you in the back eight tables. (he points) Shouldn't be a problem at all.
Cosmo nods and turns towards the computer. He sees his name on the grid and presses it. It doesn't work. Mr. Quellini leans over his shoulder.
MANAGER
You've got it hit it with the tip, with your nail.
Cosmo takes his advice and succeeds, only to find his bosses finger all over the screen.
MANAGER
You can set a password... right here.
Cosmo sets the password as Mr. Quellini makes no attempt not to look, then logs in, or so he thinks. Just as he's about to step away, he stops him.
MANAGER
You gotta press that one more time.
COSMO
Oh! Whoopsy.
He officially clocks in and directs a smile in his boss's direction.
COSMO
Thank you for all the help.
MANAGER
(suddenly impatient)
Well let's hope that's the only help you need because I just saw four of those tables fill while you were derping all over the computer. Get over there before they think we're understaffed!
Cosmo tilts his head in disbelief, then fumbles for some cups and snatches a coffee pitcher before scuttling out of frame.
The table to which Cosmo is assigned is a group of senior citizens – the kind of people who're actually in the mood for pancakes at eight in the morning. He appears next to the table with coffee cups and goes around placing them, then takes out his notepad.
COSMO
Hello, my name is Cosmo. I'll be your servant this morning.
OLD MAN
Our servant?
COSMO
Oh! Excuse me... your waiter.
He tries to laugh like it's funny, but one of the ladies just asks her neighbor why he has blue hair.
COSMO
Can I get anyone any special drinks?
OLD LADY #1
I'd like a latte please.
OLD MAN #2
(hearing-impaired, shouting)
What're your soups for today?!
COSMO
I... I don't know. I'll have to check.
The other table-mates ask for tomato juices and soy milk, and all kinds of obscure shit before Cosmo can walk off. He returns to the back counter to find that he's already sweating. The barista notices before he can even put in an order.
COSMO
Hi, can you make me a latte?
BARISTA
Uhhhh... what flavor?
COSMO
She didn't say.
At that moment, Mary appears nearby, filling up cups with water and ice in a very messy and aggravated fashion.
BARISTA
You might want to find out if that's what she wanted. We don't usually serve them plain.
Cosmo resigns to going back when Mary nearly thrusts a tray of waters at him.
MARY
All of those tables should've had water by now.
COSMO
Isn't there a busser for that?
We see the busser nearby, an attractive teenage boy with a full pitcher of ice water in his hand, having a round of laughs with a table of ladies.
MARY (O.S.)
You can't rely on others to do everything for you.
COSMO
Oh, goodness, that wasn't what I was asking at all... Could you tell me what the soups of... the...
His sentence dwindles as Mary turns her back on him. He wanders a ways back to the table before he spots Mr. Quellini.
COSMO
Mr. Quellini! What are the soups of the day?
MANAGER
The soup of the day is Don't Wear a Long-Sleeved Shirt to Work. What're you, nuts? We don't serve soup at eight. And that back table is furious. I want to see them served immediately.
Cosmo scuttles back out of frame.
CROSSFADE TO: the same shot, with Cosmo dragging himself to the foreground and throwing a towel from his arm onto the floor. The restaurant has considerably quieted and the tables behind him are empty. With his eyes half closed and the back of his neck soaked with perspiration, he looks around the back hall, passes a steamy door where the cooks are shouting at each other in Spanish, and finds Mr. Quellini calmly collecting money at the other computer.
COSMO
Sir... it's time for me to clock out.
MANAGER
Yeah, sure.
He says without turning around. Cosmo swaggers back to the other computer and taps the screen's buttons with his mouth hanging open. His eyes catch the thermos he brought, dripping with condensation. He opens it and takes a sip of luke-warm Sprite, grimacing.
As he does so, Mr. Quellini comes up from behind him and pats him hard on the shoulder, causing him to spill his drink on his shoes.
MANAGER
Great job today, Cosmo. You're very tenacious. My other staff could learn a lot from you.
Cosmo slowly turns his head in his direction, but decides not to argue. Instead, he smiles with his eyes a little too wide, and his teeth just a little too bared.
CUT TO:
EXT. AKIRA AND JENNIFER'S. TWENTY MINUTES LATER.
Cosmo pulls up in front and takes his time getting out of the car in slow, jerky movements. Only after he slams his door shut does he notice that the family of the residence are standing around in front of the house. Akira's off at the edge of the yard with his suitcases, and Crystallina is arguing with her mother. Cosmo decides to approach Jennifer, who assumes his haggard silence is a question.
JENNIFER
Crystallina's playing that game, again. Akira doesn't want anywhere near her.
Cosmo sways back his head in response, but by now Crystallina has spotted a break in her mother's attention. She runs to her father, who starts to scream and flail around the yard. Jennifer joins in reluctantly, but Cosmo seems apathetic to the chaos and starts towards the front door.
When he enters, a succession of water balloons fall over his head.
COSMO
AGH! What in God's in name!-
He looks up to see some sort of primitive rigging from the chandelier, and one last balloon rolling down what looks to be a dust-pan. It hits him with a splat and he falls over.
Outside, Crystallina's wrapped all four of her limbs around Akira's leg and he's face-planted into a flowerbed while trying to disentangle himself from her, but she notices Cosmo is nowhere to be found and her face fills with delight. She lets go of her father and Jennifer pulls her up by the armpits. She stumbles for stance and smooths out her dress.
CRYSTALLINA
Consuela, you handle my husband. I don't want the other servant in the house alone.
And she leaves the two of them, who even look to each other in perplexity.
Back in the house, Cosmo gets to his feet again and grumbles on his way to the kitchen.
COSMO
Crsytal-
But before he can finish his protest, he is pelted with nurf balls, which shoot from a gun in Crystallina's arms as she leaps across the room in slow motion with her more furious battle face. His arms rise to protect himself from the plastic ammunition, but he stumbles into just the right place for a giant net to fall over him. As he's clawing for escape, what looks like an empty wine bottle swings into frame and knocks him out cold.
INT. REHAB CENTER LOBBY. AFTERNOON.
The rehab center lobby is a glowingly sunny place with tall window panes and a dome ceiling. There are fountains and 10ft potted plants, sculptures of naked children with fig-leaves, and post-modern paintings. While not everyone seems particularly happy to be there, they all seem, nevertheless, to fit together somehow. Their clothes blend with the scenery, some are even smiling at an opportunity to change their lives.
Akira, however, is caught in a shadow and being restrained by two heavy looking fellows in white polo shirts and smiley-face name tags, one blond and one brunette. His hair is in disarray, he has a bright red scratch on his cheek, and he’s huffing like it might intimidate his captors. Instead, they’re having a friendly conversation about getting off work for two weeks and going to the Bahamas or the Disney Cruise Line. The camera tracks from the three men to Jennifer, who’s sitting in a nearby chair with her purse neatly in her lap, but even she looks annoyed.
JENNIFER
Excuse me. Gentlemen? My husband and I are having a really tough time. If you could save the conversation for later, I’m sure we’d both appreciate it.
The brunette trails his sentence about hoping his daughter will get to dance with Winney the Pooh. He shares a smile with the blond and rolls his eyes.
Suddenly a bell-hop shows up out of nowhere.
BELL-HOP
Hello, ma’am. Are you here to check in?
He sees Jennifer first, but then looks up to Akira, who scowls at him. Jennifer comes towards him with some papers.
JENNIFER
Here’s his information.
BELL-HOP
Ah, thank you.
He mumbles to himself while looking over the papers, then lifts the suitcases by Jennifer’s chair and leaves.
AKIRA
HEY!
BLOND ESCORT
Uh, ma’am? I think your husband can head in now. They usually give patients fifteen minutes to seat themselves.
JENNIFER
Yeah, sure, whatever.
AKIRA
(sneering)
Yeah, sure, whatever.
Everyone hears Akira, but no one chooses to respond. They get up and start walking.
CUT TO: A quieter hall where Jennifer can see into a number of open doors. In one, a man behind a desk is talking to a presumed client about vandalism policy, in another, a woman is on the floor crying with a nurse trying to soothe her. When they reach the door for Akira, the brunette escort lays a heavy hand on his shoulder and speaks to Jennifer.
BRUNETTE ESCORT
You know you won’t be able to come in with him-
JENNIFER
Yes, I know.
They nod and turn away, as if expecting the couple to have some heart-felt farewell. Akira just glares at Jennifer, who refuses afterward to make direct eye contact.
JENNIFER
…I better not get any calls telling me you tried to run away again.
Akira looks to the ceiling and scrunches up his face.
AKIRA
(in falsetto)
“I better not get any calls telling me you tried to run away again.”
The escorts figure they should break it up, and open the door for him.
AKIRA
She’s a Nazi.
He makes sure to tell them, before turning his back. The camera cuts in front of him and Jennifer’s troubled face can be seen before the escort closes the door. Akira has a look of disgust on his face, like he’s witnessing the most horrible interior decorating that he’s ever seen.
In front of him is just a group of chairs and a white-walled room with a water cooler in the corner. He frowns thinking about how the water isn’t alcohol and then takes a seat in the least populated area.
One by one, new patients come in: a middle-aged Japanese man, a lady who looks like she’s been fried by a tanning bed, another who doesn’t know how to match her clothes, and several men in plaid shirts. Akira squints his eyes at such a tasteless coincidence.
At 5:00 sharp, the conductor of the meeting steps in, a woman who appears to be in her mid-30’s and wears very tall heels. Her hair is dirty blond, and she has a ruffled lime green shirt under her white coat. Akira’s eyes pop open a little more than usual.
DR. REED
Hello, everyone. My name is Dr. Victoria Reed. I will be your discussion leader from now until the fall. I hope that we will all get to know each other and that you feel comfortable talking about who you are and why you’re here. I want this to be a very relaxed environment. This should be a support group, we should be… sticking together.
She knits her fingers while Akira rolls his eyes again. When they fall back down, he realizes someone straight across the way is staring at him. He’s overweight and a bit mousey-haired, with a five’o’clock shadow and a jacket that looks like he got it at the retro section at Good Will. The man eerily begins to smile and look him over. Akira tries to avert his eyes, but they wander back to him. The man is still staring, but darts his focus elsewhere.
DR. REED
That said, let’s get to introductions. Feel free to tell us as much or as little as you want within five minutes maximum, and I will take some notes – don’t worry, I’m not Shrinking out on you, I just want to remember all of your names and details.
The woman next to the doctor nods more than necessary and takes a breath with nothing to say at first. She’s dressed from head to two in Earth tones and rubs her hands together a lot.
TERRY
H-hi, everyone. I’m Terry.
Suddenly, the whole room says “Hi, Terry”, without ever agreeing upon the gesture.
TERRY
I’m 43, um… I used to be a schoolteacher. I moved here to find a job and was turned down after I’d completed the move, so I’ve been drifting to and from menial jobs, and…
She starts to look like she’s choking up, but continues.
TERRY
I had a falling out with my daughter. A couple years ago my husband and I divorced… It’s just been really… tough.
Akira gathers his eye-sockets in his fingers.
INT. AKIRA AND JENNIFER'S. DINING ROOM.
Cosmo awakes. The camera shows him in a high-angled long shot, wherein he's tied to a dining table chair and his hands are duck-taped together. The curtains are all closed – shadows are sharp and long. He twists his neck left and right, but the little girl is nowhere to be found until we see him from down the hall. Crystallina's foot steps into frame in very large size. She walks towards him and the camera follows her feet as Cosmo maintains a wide-eyed stare.
COSMO
Are you completely mad?!
Crystallina pulls out a pink, plastic bat and looks about ready to jam the handle into his crotch.
CRYSTALLINA
Do you want to repeat that question?
COSMO
Is that supposed to hurt me?
CRYSTALLINA
Do you think I can't hurt you?
COSMO
What do you think this is going to accomplish, terrorizing all of your babysitters like this?
CRYSTALLINA
What can't it accomplish? Do you know how many babysitters I've been through?
COSMO
Doesn't the number tell you your mother will keep them coming?
CRYSTALLINA
Will she, when she finds out the most trusted of all was a twisted loli-fapper?
Cosmo makes a face at her last word.
COSMO
Why are you responding to everything I say with a question?
CRYSTALLINA
Hahaha! Does it bother you?
Cosmo wriggles violently for a moment.
COSMO
I think it's firmly established that you're bothering me! Now, I want to be untied right this second!
CRYSTALLINA
Only until you admit that you're a pedophile who raped my daddy!
COSMO
I did neither of those things!
CRYSTALLINA
I only suggested one. What are you hiding?!
She jumps on his lap and holds the pink bat under his chin like it's a switchblade.
CRYSTALLINA
Where's your secret stash of incriminating pornography?! Surely, you've got a Girl Scout tied up in your basement!
COSMO
I don't have a basement!
CRYSTALLINA
You're accused of having a Girl Scout, and all you can say is that I picked the wrong room in which she's held hostage?!
Cosmo wriggles around again, then stops.
COSMO
I don't have a Girl Scout in my apartment!
He continues to wriggle, and Crystallina disgustedly hops off of him.
CRYSTALLINA
Look at you: already hot and bothered just because your most coveted lolita is on your lap! I'm used to infatuation, Cosmo – I know I have an electric power over men! But this is the most perverted pursuit I've ever had to endure!
Cosmo sputters.
CRYSTALLINA
Having Consuela take away Daddy to “rehabilitation”... I bet they're dilly-dallying away at Denny's for just long enough for you to make with his mistress. No wonder he looks so tortured – the food is terrible! This is horror upon both of us, and I won't stand for it!
While Crystallina rambles, Cosmo has been wriggling enough to tear some of the tape. She hears it rip and jumps in fright, then runs back down the hall.
INT. REHAB DISCUSSION ROOM. 5:25PM.
By now, we've gotten to the Japanese man sitting a couple seats down from Akira.
KENGO
So I’ve gotten… too, too busy in the last year. It has been a nightmare, and I already had tendencies. But I do not want to drink. I have many things to be thankful for – my wife is very supportive. Eh, my kids, they are great, great kids. Always look up to me—
A crossfade puts us in front of the next person, a plaid-shirt-wearing twenty-something with a tendency to grab his chin and brush his lower lip against his hand. He trails his words like his throat is lined with sandpaper, and trails often.
HUNTER
—Love photography, love poetry, uhhh… both are kind of the things that I do when my brain isn’t totally fried… Uhhhh… Hoping someday I might be published, but, you knowww… definitely not expecting it…
Another crossfade leaves us in front of a bespectacled woman who looks like she just came from a long jog. She’s wearing a hoodie and sweating profusely.
ANGIE
…I’ve actually been able to hide it from all of my friends and family up until this point, so… it’s just, you know, it’s a big wake-up call, even for me. I’m finally taking some responsibility, and…
Everyone nods before another crossfade shows the room gone quiet. Dr. Reed raises her hand in Akira’s direction.
DR. REED.
(congenially)
Hi. Go ahead.
Akira darts his eyes around.
AKIRA
I already went. It’s that guy’s turn.
He points to the guy on his right. The doctor tries not to laugh while keeping her focus upon him. He sighs and picks a place in the ceiling to look while he introduces himself.
AKIRA
My name’s Akira.
Everyone says “Hi, Akira,” in union. His left eye twitches in response. He shifts around in his chair a little, leans to the side with a hand gripping the chair arm, then flushes a bunch of air out of his nose.
AKIRA
Yeah, my daughter wants to have sex with me.
Everyone in the room blinks, and some look to the doctor as if she might know how to explain their confusion.
AKIRA
In the past few months she's drawn pornographic images of us together in school, pelted me with “honey”’s “dear”’s and “love-muffin”’s in public, she’s threatened to hang herself unless I complied, and invited me into her room when she was naked. Oh, and she’s seven.
No one’s expression has really changed yet.
AKIRA
My wife’s a Nazi. And by “Nazi”, I don’t mean Nazi-Nazi, I mean Woman Who Won’t Stop Controlling the Minutia of My Life Even if Her Opinion is No Longer Welcome Nazi.
Dr. Reed purses her lips at his semantics.
AKIRA
I also work in customer service.
A resounding “ohh…” comes from the group, as if this is the first reason for his alcoholism that they can truly understand.
Akira raises his hand in agreement and goes silent. Dr. Reed finally nods.
DR. REED
Thank you… Akira.
The meeting continues as if Akira never said anything, and indeed he feels more like he's floating above himself, but nevertheless having to listen to other's problems, one of his least favorite activities. The Tanning Bed lady introduces herself as Linda, but we cross-fade to the man across the way who was staring at Akira, smiling at him with a voice-over of “Hi, Linda!”
A succession of shots pass by Akira and the man, with Akira catching his stare with a pouty, agitated face, and the man just looking enthused to see him. Meanwhile, voice-overs of all the greetings play over each shot. “Hi, David!” “Hi, Susan!” “Hi, Shaniqua!”
One last shot of Akira's disgust fades into the man looking from him to Dr. Reed and nodding.
RONNIE
Hello, my name is Ronnie.
His smile is lightning fast and clearly perfunctory as everyone greets him, and then he begins to look extremely wistful.
RONNIE
I am, uhh... a 37-year-old unemployed mattress salesman. It was my dream. It was my... passion. And I lost it all to Mr. Cary Grant wannabe, and I'm hoping when I get out of here that I can exact my revenge on him because... nobody should have an ass on his face, that's what I think.
He looks to Akira and winks. Akira unconsciously touches his chin and pats it down.
RONNIE
Uhh, I love the theatre, I love the arts. I do not, however, share my personal talent with the world... Uh, I'm not really for that type of fame. You know, one of the most important things in life is just to have a comfortable living, with a comfortable mattress. (suddenly yelling) I'LL FIGHT ANYONE WHO THINKS THAT ISN'T TRUE. I'm also friends with the Orel City Superhero, The Knuckle.
No one in the room has any idea what he's talking about.
RONNIE
Orel City, it's twenty minutes north of here. The Knuckle. Oh, come on, he's been on Channel Two news at least once before! He was arrested for helping the cops nail a 7-11 robber, then they let him go... Everyone loves him now! He's such a-
DR. REED
Alright, alright, um..
RONNIE
-great guy!
DR. REED
Thank you, Ronnie.
Ronnie looks extremely troubled that he's being brushed off, but when he sees Akira -- giving him a look rather like he's observing two copulating dung beetles at a zoo kiosk -- his face brightens, and he nods, sure Akira caught the reference somehow. Akira averts his eyes to the clock, which now reads 6:15.
CUT TO: Jennifer's car dashboard, the digital numbers of the clock reading 6:30. She turns off the engine, pops the trunk, and steps out of the car. The camera follows her as she lifts one grocery bag of many into her free arm and comes to the garage door. It takes her a moment to properly insert the key and enter the house, but when she enters, she sees quite the display.
Cosmo is tied to a chair and pushed into the corner of the dining room, surrounded in bright construction paper signs with sharpy-drawn arrows and large “PEDOPHILE”'s written in thick letters. A bunch of nurf balls are at his feet and it also looks like someone threw spaghetti noodles at him. He has noticed she entered and murmurs desperately under a piece of tape that has been placed over his mouth.
Before Jennifer can even react, Crystallina runs and shrieks into the room and begins bawling at her feet.
CRYSTALLINA
I just had to defend myself!
Jennifer opens her mouth but doesn't speak. She sets down the grocery bag and stomps towards Cosmo, taking a look at the intricate way in which her daughter has reinforced his trappings.
CRYSTALLINA
It was horrible, Mommy! As soon as you left, he just marched right into the house with his pants down! And, to say enough for you to know and as little to keep myself composed, the beast had risen from its slumber!
Jennifer rips off the tape from his mouth, and Cosmo's pain is audible. He feels around his face to make sure his skin is still in tact. Jennifer next notices thick duct tape binding around his wrists and hurries for some scissors in the kitchen drawer.
JENNIFER
Oh, Jesus Christ, Crystallina...
CRYSTALLINA
I know, I know! It was the only way to keep him secure. He was truly a monster of passion...
And she cries to herself as Jennifer cuts him free. In no time, the both of them are removing the ropes, and Crystallina realizes her cries are going unnoticed. She stops abruptly.
CRYSTALLINA
Well, I suppose you're going to have him arrested now!
Cosmo stands up and breathes deeply, giving Jennifer chilling eye-contact before stepping over all of the crap and escaping the house with a door slam so violent the dust pan atop the chandelier drops one final water balloon onto the mat.
INT. AKIRA'S REHAB BEDROOM. SAME TIME.
Akira opens and closes the door to his new bedroom and falls into it with a heavy sigh.
AKIRA
I thought that shit would never end!
He puffs up his cheeks and puffs out air as he looks around the room. It's a fairly typical hotel set-up. He flicks the bathroom light on and off without really caring for the specifics, then notices a cabinet on the wall that looks remarkably like his most favorite one at home. He opens it and frowns. Inside, is a single shelf with a folded paper that says “put things in here that mean more to you than alcohol.”
He slams the doors shut and looks out the curtains to a high view of the horizon, the sky a navy blue, and the city down the hill carved out by its lights. He has no visible reaction to the sight as he throws himself on to the bed, crosses his legs, and turns on the TV.
Everybody Loves Raymond, King of Queens, Reba? What the hell was this shit?
AKIRA
Oh, fuck.
He reaches for the phone as if he's going to make a formal complaint, when the wind rustles.
DRUNKY
Hey, Akira.
He looks up, and his pink porcelain elephant is standing on the window sill, the window slightly ajar. Akira gapes as his hand slowly drops the phone back into its cradle.
DRUNKY
Akira, I know how sad you've been feeling.
AKIRA
(dreamy)
D-Drunky?
DRUNKY
You probably feel like you just can't cope... right?
Akira furrows his brow.
AKIRA
Cut the crap – are you here to help me?
DRUNKY
Yes, of course I am!
AKIRA
Well, what're you going to do?!
DRUNKY
Shhhh... You've got to lie low for a while. Pretend like you're not interested in leaving at all. Some of the staff have already seen me and are suspicious of me, but I promise that in due time I'll bring all the booze you could ever want right to your feet. I'll store it right in my belly and you can drink until you can't drink anymore!
Akira's eyes water with tears.
AKIRA
Oh, Drunky! Okay! I'll wait for you! I'll be good.
DRUNKY
Be good for Britney!
AKIRA
(through tears)
I'll be good for Britney.
And Drunky fades away.
Favorite Quotes
Anyway, part four is what I luckily have available! And it's 17 pages long, so maybe that'll be enough for my readership of... 1? XD
CRYSTAL PALACE 4 – Part 4 – The Soup of the Day
EXT. RESTAURANT. TUESDAY MORNING.
At the mouth of the restaurant's front parking lot, Cosmo's shitty white car pulls in. We follow him as he parks and steps out, then exhales deeply. The morning is already marked by a clear, golden sky and Cosmo can feel the heat, but he looks to the restaurant and approaches with a smile, carrying a colorfully patterned thermos.
As he enters the restaurant, he finds that the air conditioner isn't running, and everyone is already shuffling around in short-sleeved shirts. Past the front counter and near the private hall, he sets down his thermos tentatively when Mr. Quellini appears.
MANAGER
Hey, Cosmo, welcome aboard!
COSMO
Hello!
Another employee, a man around his age, appears by his side.
CRAIG
Excuse me, but, could I get in right behind you? I just need to punch something in.
Cosmo moves away from what he discovers is a computer, only to find that he's stepped right into his boss's personal space, but Mr. Quellini just gives him a close once-over.
MANAGER
Long-sleeved shirt, huh? Very professional. Ya look great.
COSMO
T-thank you. Um, pardon me for asking about such a silly thing on my first day, but, what happened to the air conditioning?
MANAGER
Oh, you noticed! You don't miss a thing, do you? Yes, we got it fixed yesterday. The thing was definitely overcompensating, wasn't it?
COSMO
Eheheh, yeah...
He turns away and frowns to himself until he notices someone in his peripheral. He looks up and an attractive, curvy cashier is waving at him.
MARY
Hi, new guy.
COSMO
H-hello. Nice to meet you.
MARY
What's your name?
COSMO
Cosmo.
She makes a sound he can't interpret – is she amused or aroused? Mr. Quellini leans towards his ear.
MANAGER
Don't let her distract you, now. She's been known to lay it on a little thick, let's just say. Well! It's a minute to eight – you'd better clock in. I put you in the back eight tables. (he points) Shouldn't be a problem at all.
Cosmo nods and turns towards the computer. He sees his name on the grid and presses it. It doesn't work. Mr. Quellini leans over his shoulder.
MANAGER
You've got it hit it with the tip, with your nail.
Cosmo takes his advice and succeeds, only to find his bosses finger all over the screen.
MANAGER
You can set a password... right here.
Cosmo sets the password as Mr. Quellini makes no attempt not to look, then logs in, or so he thinks. Just as he's about to step away, he stops him.
MANAGER
You gotta press that one more time.
COSMO
Oh! Whoopsy.
He officially clocks in and directs a smile in his boss's direction.
COSMO
Thank you for all the help.
MANAGER
(suddenly impatient)
Well let's hope that's the only help you need because I just saw four of those tables fill while you were derping all over the computer. Get over there before they think we're understaffed!
Cosmo tilts his head in disbelief, then fumbles for some cups and snatches a coffee pitcher before scuttling out of frame.
The table to which Cosmo is assigned is a group of senior citizens – the kind of people who're actually in the mood for pancakes at eight in the morning. He appears next to the table with coffee cups and goes around placing them, then takes out his notepad.
COSMO
Hello, my name is Cosmo. I'll be your servant this morning.
OLD MAN
Our servant?
COSMO
Oh! Excuse me... your waiter.
He tries to laugh like it's funny, but one of the ladies just asks her neighbor why he has blue hair.
COSMO
Can I get anyone any special drinks?
OLD LADY #1
I'd like a latte please.
OLD MAN #2
(hearing-impaired, shouting)
What're your soups for today?!
COSMO
I... I don't know. I'll have to check.
The other table-mates ask for tomato juices and soy milk, and all kinds of obscure shit before Cosmo can walk off. He returns to the back counter to find that he's already sweating. The barista notices before he can even put in an order.
COSMO
Hi, can you make me a latte?
BARISTA
Uhhhh... what flavor?
COSMO
She didn't say.
At that moment, Mary appears nearby, filling up cups with water and ice in a very messy and aggravated fashion.
BARISTA
You might want to find out if that's what she wanted. We don't usually serve them plain.
Cosmo resigns to going back when Mary nearly thrusts a tray of waters at him.
MARY
All of those tables should've had water by now.
COSMO
Isn't there a busser for that?
We see the busser nearby, an attractive teenage boy with a full pitcher of ice water in his hand, having a round of laughs with a table of ladies.
MARY (O.S.)
You can't rely on others to do everything for you.
COSMO
Oh, goodness, that wasn't what I was asking at all... Could you tell me what the soups of... the...
His sentence dwindles as Mary turns her back on him. He wanders a ways back to the table before he spots Mr. Quellini.
COSMO
Mr. Quellini! What are the soups of the day?
MANAGER
The soup of the day is Don't Wear a Long-Sleeved Shirt to Work. What're you, nuts? We don't serve soup at eight. And that back table is furious. I want to see them served immediately.
Cosmo scuttles back out of frame.
CROSSFADE TO: the same shot, with Cosmo dragging himself to the foreground and throwing a towel from his arm onto the floor. The restaurant has considerably quieted and the tables behind him are empty. With his eyes half closed and the back of his neck soaked with perspiration, he looks around the back hall, passes a steamy door where the cooks are shouting at each other in Spanish, and finds Mr. Quellini calmly collecting money at the other computer.
COSMO
Sir... it's time for me to clock out.
MANAGER
Yeah, sure.
He says without turning around. Cosmo swaggers back to the other computer and taps the screen's buttons with his mouth hanging open. His eyes catch the thermos he brought, dripping with condensation. He opens it and takes a sip of luke-warm Sprite, grimacing.
As he does so, Mr. Quellini comes up from behind him and pats him hard on the shoulder, causing him to spill his drink on his shoes.
MANAGER
Great job today, Cosmo. You're very tenacious. My other staff could learn a lot from you.
Cosmo slowly turns his head in his direction, but decides not to argue. Instead, he smiles with his eyes a little too wide, and his teeth just a little too bared.
CUT TO:
EXT. AKIRA AND JENNIFER'S. TWENTY MINUTES LATER.
Cosmo pulls up in front and takes his time getting out of the car in slow, jerky movements. Only after he slams his door shut does he notice that the family of the residence are standing around in front of the house. Akira's off at the edge of the yard with his suitcases, and Crystallina is arguing with her mother. Cosmo decides to approach Jennifer, who assumes his haggard silence is a question.
JENNIFER
Crystallina's playing that game, again. Akira doesn't want anywhere near her.
Cosmo sways back his head in response, but by now Crystallina has spotted a break in her mother's attention. She runs to her father, who starts to scream and flail around the yard. Jennifer joins in reluctantly, but Cosmo seems apathetic to the chaos and starts towards the front door.
When he enters, a succession of water balloons fall over his head.
COSMO
AGH! What in God's in name!-
He looks up to see some sort of primitive rigging from the chandelier, and one last balloon rolling down what looks to be a dust-pan. It hits him with a splat and he falls over.
Outside, Crystallina's wrapped all four of her limbs around Akira's leg and he's face-planted into a flowerbed while trying to disentangle himself from her, but she notices Cosmo is nowhere to be found and her face fills with delight. She lets go of her father and Jennifer pulls her up by the armpits. She stumbles for stance and smooths out her dress.
CRYSTALLINA
Consuela, you handle my husband. I don't want the other servant in the house alone.
And she leaves the two of them, who even look to each other in perplexity.
Back in the house, Cosmo gets to his feet again and grumbles on his way to the kitchen.
COSMO
Crsytal-
But before he can finish his protest, he is pelted with nurf balls, which shoot from a gun in Crystallina's arms as she leaps across the room in slow motion with her more furious battle face. His arms rise to protect himself from the plastic ammunition, but he stumbles into just the right place for a giant net to fall over him. As he's clawing for escape, what looks like an empty wine bottle swings into frame and knocks him out cold.
INT. REHAB CENTER LOBBY. AFTERNOON.
The rehab center lobby is a glowingly sunny place with tall window panes and a dome ceiling. There are fountains and 10ft potted plants, sculptures of naked children with fig-leaves, and post-modern paintings. While not everyone seems particularly happy to be there, they all seem, nevertheless, to fit together somehow. Their clothes blend with the scenery, some are even smiling at an opportunity to change their lives.
Akira, however, is caught in a shadow and being restrained by two heavy looking fellows in white polo shirts and smiley-face name tags, one blond and one brunette. His hair is in disarray, he has a bright red scratch on his cheek, and he’s huffing like it might intimidate his captors. Instead, they’re having a friendly conversation about getting off work for two weeks and going to the Bahamas or the Disney Cruise Line. The camera tracks from the three men to Jennifer, who’s sitting in a nearby chair with her purse neatly in her lap, but even she looks annoyed.
JENNIFER
Excuse me. Gentlemen? My husband and I are having a really tough time. If you could save the conversation for later, I’m sure we’d both appreciate it.
The brunette trails his sentence about hoping his daughter will get to dance with Winney the Pooh. He shares a smile with the blond and rolls his eyes.
Suddenly a bell-hop shows up out of nowhere.
BELL-HOP
Hello, ma’am. Are you here to check in?
He sees Jennifer first, but then looks up to Akira, who scowls at him. Jennifer comes towards him with some papers.
JENNIFER
Here’s his information.
BELL-HOP
Ah, thank you.
He mumbles to himself while looking over the papers, then lifts the suitcases by Jennifer’s chair and leaves.
AKIRA
HEY!
BLOND ESCORT
Uh, ma’am? I think your husband can head in now. They usually give patients fifteen minutes to seat themselves.
JENNIFER
Yeah, sure, whatever.
AKIRA
(sneering)
Yeah, sure, whatever.
Everyone hears Akira, but no one chooses to respond. They get up and start walking.
CUT TO: A quieter hall where Jennifer can see into a number of open doors. In one, a man behind a desk is talking to a presumed client about vandalism policy, in another, a woman is on the floor crying with a nurse trying to soothe her. When they reach the door for Akira, the brunette escort lays a heavy hand on his shoulder and speaks to Jennifer.
BRUNETTE ESCORT
You know you won’t be able to come in with him-
JENNIFER
Yes, I know.
They nod and turn away, as if expecting the couple to have some heart-felt farewell. Akira just glares at Jennifer, who refuses afterward to make direct eye contact.
JENNIFER
…I better not get any calls telling me you tried to run away again.
Akira looks to the ceiling and scrunches up his face.
AKIRA
(in falsetto)
“I better not get any calls telling me you tried to run away again.”
The escorts figure they should break it up, and open the door for him.
AKIRA
She’s a Nazi.
He makes sure to tell them, before turning his back. The camera cuts in front of him and Jennifer’s troubled face can be seen before the escort closes the door. Akira has a look of disgust on his face, like he’s witnessing the most horrible interior decorating that he’s ever seen.
In front of him is just a group of chairs and a white-walled room with a water cooler in the corner. He frowns thinking about how the water isn’t alcohol and then takes a seat in the least populated area.
One by one, new patients come in: a middle-aged Japanese man, a lady who looks like she’s been fried by a tanning bed, another who doesn’t know how to match her clothes, and several men in plaid shirts. Akira squints his eyes at such a tasteless coincidence.
At 5:00 sharp, the conductor of the meeting steps in, a woman who appears to be in her mid-30’s and wears very tall heels. Her hair is dirty blond, and she has a ruffled lime green shirt under her white coat. Akira’s eyes pop open a little more than usual.
DR. REED
Hello, everyone. My name is Dr. Victoria Reed. I will be your discussion leader from now until the fall. I hope that we will all get to know each other and that you feel comfortable talking about who you are and why you’re here. I want this to be a very relaxed environment. This should be a support group, we should be… sticking together.
She knits her fingers while Akira rolls his eyes again. When they fall back down, he realizes someone straight across the way is staring at him. He’s overweight and a bit mousey-haired, with a five’o’clock shadow and a jacket that looks like he got it at the retro section at Good Will. The man eerily begins to smile and look him over. Akira tries to avert his eyes, but they wander back to him. The man is still staring, but darts his focus elsewhere.
DR. REED
That said, let’s get to introductions. Feel free to tell us as much or as little as you want within five minutes maximum, and I will take some notes – don’t worry, I’m not Shrinking out on you, I just want to remember all of your names and details.
The woman next to the doctor nods more than necessary and takes a breath with nothing to say at first. She’s dressed from head to two in Earth tones and rubs her hands together a lot.
TERRY
H-hi, everyone. I’m Terry.
Suddenly, the whole room says “Hi, Terry”, without ever agreeing upon the gesture.
TERRY
I’m 43, um… I used to be a schoolteacher. I moved here to find a job and was turned down after I’d completed the move, so I’ve been drifting to and from menial jobs, and…
She starts to look like she’s choking up, but continues.
TERRY
I had a falling out with my daughter. A couple years ago my husband and I divorced… It’s just been really… tough.
Akira gathers his eye-sockets in his fingers.
INT. AKIRA AND JENNIFER'S. DINING ROOM.
Cosmo awakes. The camera shows him in a high-angled long shot, wherein he's tied to a dining table chair and his hands are duck-taped together. The curtains are all closed – shadows are sharp and long. He twists his neck left and right, but the little girl is nowhere to be found until we see him from down the hall. Crystallina's foot steps into frame in very large size. She walks towards him and the camera follows her feet as Cosmo maintains a wide-eyed stare.
COSMO
Are you completely mad?!
Crystallina pulls out a pink, plastic bat and looks about ready to jam the handle into his crotch.
CRYSTALLINA
Do you want to repeat that question?
COSMO
Is that supposed to hurt me?
CRYSTALLINA
Do you think I can't hurt you?
COSMO
What do you think this is going to accomplish, terrorizing all of your babysitters like this?
CRYSTALLINA
What can't it accomplish? Do you know how many babysitters I've been through?
COSMO
Doesn't the number tell you your mother will keep them coming?
CRYSTALLINA
Will she, when she finds out the most trusted of all was a twisted loli-fapper?
Cosmo makes a face at her last word.
COSMO
Why are you responding to everything I say with a question?
CRYSTALLINA
Hahaha! Does it bother you?
Cosmo wriggles violently for a moment.
COSMO
I think it's firmly established that you're bothering me! Now, I want to be untied right this second!
CRYSTALLINA
Only until you admit that you're a pedophile who raped my daddy!
COSMO
I did neither of those things!
CRYSTALLINA
I only suggested one. What are you hiding?!
She jumps on his lap and holds the pink bat under his chin like it's a switchblade.
CRYSTALLINA
Where's your secret stash of incriminating pornography?! Surely, you've got a Girl Scout tied up in your basement!
COSMO
I don't have a basement!
CRYSTALLINA
You're accused of having a Girl Scout, and all you can say is that I picked the wrong room in which she's held hostage?!
Cosmo wriggles around again, then stops.
COSMO
I don't have a Girl Scout in my apartment!
He continues to wriggle, and Crystallina disgustedly hops off of him.
CRYSTALLINA
Look at you: already hot and bothered just because your most coveted lolita is on your lap! I'm used to infatuation, Cosmo – I know I have an electric power over men! But this is the most perverted pursuit I've ever had to endure!
Cosmo sputters.
CRYSTALLINA
Having Consuela take away Daddy to “rehabilitation”... I bet they're dilly-dallying away at Denny's for just long enough for you to make with his mistress. No wonder he looks so tortured – the food is terrible! This is horror upon both of us, and I won't stand for it!
While Crystallina rambles, Cosmo has been wriggling enough to tear some of the tape. She hears it rip and jumps in fright, then runs back down the hall.
INT. REHAB DISCUSSION ROOM. 5:25PM.
By now, we've gotten to the Japanese man sitting a couple seats down from Akira.
KENGO
So I’ve gotten… too, too busy in the last year. It has been a nightmare, and I already had tendencies. But I do not want to drink. I have many things to be thankful for – my wife is very supportive. Eh, my kids, they are great, great kids. Always look up to me—
A crossfade puts us in front of the next person, a plaid-shirt-wearing twenty-something with a tendency to grab his chin and brush his lower lip against his hand. He trails his words like his throat is lined with sandpaper, and trails often.
HUNTER
—Love photography, love poetry, uhhh… both are kind of the things that I do when my brain isn’t totally fried… Uhhhh… Hoping someday I might be published, but, you knowww… definitely not expecting it…
Another crossfade leaves us in front of a bespectacled woman who looks like she just came from a long jog. She’s wearing a hoodie and sweating profusely.
ANGIE
…I’ve actually been able to hide it from all of my friends and family up until this point, so… it’s just, you know, it’s a big wake-up call, even for me. I’m finally taking some responsibility, and…
Everyone nods before another crossfade shows the room gone quiet. Dr. Reed raises her hand in Akira’s direction.
DR. REED.
(congenially)
Hi. Go ahead.
Akira darts his eyes around.
AKIRA
I already went. It’s that guy’s turn.
He points to the guy on his right. The doctor tries not to laugh while keeping her focus upon him. He sighs and picks a place in the ceiling to look while he introduces himself.
AKIRA
My name’s Akira.
Everyone says “Hi, Akira,” in union. His left eye twitches in response. He shifts around in his chair a little, leans to the side with a hand gripping the chair arm, then flushes a bunch of air out of his nose.
AKIRA
Yeah, my daughter wants to have sex with me.
Everyone in the room blinks, and some look to the doctor as if she might know how to explain their confusion.
AKIRA
In the past few months she's drawn pornographic images of us together in school, pelted me with “honey”’s “dear”’s and “love-muffin”’s in public, she’s threatened to hang herself unless I complied, and invited me into her room when she was naked. Oh, and she’s seven.
No one’s expression has really changed yet.
AKIRA
My wife’s a Nazi. And by “Nazi”, I don’t mean Nazi-Nazi, I mean Woman Who Won’t Stop Controlling the Minutia of My Life Even if Her Opinion is No Longer Welcome Nazi.
Dr. Reed purses her lips at his semantics.
AKIRA
I also work in customer service.
A resounding “ohh…” comes from the group, as if this is the first reason for his alcoholism that they can truly understand.
Akira raises his hand in agreement and goes silent. Dr. Reed finally nods.
DR. REED
Thank you… Akira.
The meeting continues as if Akira never said anything, and indeed he feels more like he's floating above himself, but nevertheless having to listen to other's problems, one of his least favorite activities. The Tanning Bed lady introduces herself as Linda, but we cross-fade to the man across the way who was staring at Akira, smiling at him with a voice-over of “Hi, Linda!”
A succession of shots pass by Akira and the man, with Akira catching his stare with a pouty, agitated face, and the man just looking enthused to see him. Meanwhile, voice-overs of all the greetings play over each shot. “Hi, David!” “Hi, Susan!” “Hi, Shaniqua!”
One last shot of Akira's disgust fades into the man looking from him to Dr. Reed and nodding.
RONNIE
Hello, my name is Ronnie.
His smile is lightning fast and clearly perfunctory as everyone greets him, and then he begins to look extremely wistful.
RONNIE
I am, uhh... a 37-year-old unemployed mattress salesman. It was my dream. It was my... passion. And I lost it all to Mr. Cary Grant wannabe, and I'm hoping when I get out of here that I can exact my revenge on him because... nobody should have an ass on his face, that's what I think.
He looks to Akira and winks. Akira unconsciously touches his chin and pats it down.
RONNIE
Uhh, I love the theatre, I love the arts. I do not, however, share my personal talent with the world... Uh, I'm not really for that type of fame. You know, one of the most important things in life is just to have a comfortable living, with a comfortable mattress. (suddenly yelling) I'LL FIGHT ANYONE WHO THINKS THAT ISN'T TRUE. I'm also friends with the Orel City Superhero, The Knuckle.
No one in the room has any idea what he's talking about.
RONNIE
Orel City, it's twenty minutes north of here. The Knuckle. Oh, come on, he's been on Channel Two news at least once before! He was arrested for helping the cops nail a 7-11 robber, then they let him go... Everyone loves him now! He's such a-
DR. REED
Alright, alright, um..
RONNIE
-great guy!
DR. REED
Thank you, Ronnie.
Ronnie looks extremely troubled that he's being brushed off, but when he sees Akira -- giving him a look rather like he's observing two copulating dung beetles at a zoo kiosk -- his face brightens, and he nods, sure Akira caught the reference somehow. Akira averts his eyes to the clock, which now reads 6:15.
CUT TO: Jennifer's car dashboard, the digital numbers of the clock reading 6:30. She turns off the engine, pops the trunk, and steps out of the car. The camera follows her as she lifts one grocery bag of many into her free arm and comes to the garage door. It takes her a moment to properly insert the key and enter the house, but when she enters, she sees quite the display.
Cosmo is tied to a chair and pushed into the corner of the dining room, surrounded in bright construction paper signs with sharpy-drawn arrows and large “PEDOPHILE”'s written in thick letters. A bunch of nurf balls are at his feet and it also looks like someone threw spaghetti noodles at him. He has noticed she entered and murmurs desperately under a piece of tape that has been placed over his mouth.
Before Jennifer can even react, Crystallina runs and shrieks into the room and begins bawling at her feet.
CRYSTALLINA
I just had to defend myself!
Jennifer opens her mouth but doesn't speak. She sets down the grocery bag and stomps towards Cosmo, taking a look at the intricate way in which her daughter has reinforced his trappings.
CRYSTALLINA
It was horrible, Mommy! As soon as you left, he just marched right into the house with his pants down! And, to say enough for you to know and as little to keep myself composed, the beast had risen from its slumber!
Jennifer rips off the tape from his mouth, and Cosmo's pain is audible. He feels around his face to make sure his skin is still in tact. Jennifer next notices thick duct tape binding around his wrists and hurries for some scissors in the kitchen drawer.
JENNIFER
Oh, Jesus Christ, Crystallina...
CRYSTALLINA
I know, I know! It was the only way to keep him secure. He was truly a monster of passion...
And she cries to herself as Jennifer cuts him free. In no time, the both of them are removing the ropes, and Crystallina realizes her cries are going unnoticed. She stops abruptly.
CRYSTALLINA
Well, I suppose you're going to have him arrested now!
Cosmo stands up and breathes deeply, giving Jennifer chilling eye-contact before stepping over all of the crap and escaping the house with a door slam so violent the dust pan atop the chandelier drops one final water balloon onto the mat.
INT. AKIRA'S REHAB BEDROOM. SAME TIME.
Akira opens and closes the door to his new bedroom and falls into it with a heavy sigh.
AKIRA
I thought that shit would never end!
He puffs up his cheeks and puffs out air as he looks around the room. It's a fairly typical hotel set-up. He flicks the bathroom light on and off without really caring for the specifics, then notices a cabinet on the wall that looks remarkably like his most favorite one at home. He opens it and frowns. Inside, is a single shelf with a folded paper that says “put things in here that mean more to you than alcohol.”
He slams the doors shut and looks out the curtains to a high view of the horizon, the sky a navy blue, and the city down the hill carved out by its lights. He has no visible reaction to the sight as he throws himself on to the bed, crosses his legs, and turns on the TV.
Everybody Loves Raymond, King of Queens, Reba? What the hell was this shit?
AKIRA
Oh, fuck.
He reaches for the phone as if he's going to make a formal complaint, when the wind rustles.
DRUNKY
Hey, Akira.
He looks up, and his pink porcelain elephant is standing on the window sill, the window slightly ajar. Akira gapes as his hand slowly drops the phone back into its cradle.
DRUNKY
Akira, I know how sad you've been feeling.
AKIRA
(dreamy)
D-Drunky?
DRUNKY
You probably feel like you just can't cope... right?
Akira furrows his brow.
AKIRA
Cut the crap – are you here to help me?
DRUNKY
Yes, of course I am!
AKIRA
Well, what're you going to do?!
DRUNKY
Shhhh... You've got to lie low for a while. Pretend like you're not interested in leaving at all. Some of the staff have already seen me and are suspicious of me, but I promise that in due time I'll bring all the booze you could ever want right to your feet. I'll store it right in my belly and you can drink until you can't drink anymore!
Akira's eyes water with tears.
AKIRA
Oh, Drunky! Okay! I'll wait for you! I'll be good.
DRUNKY
Be good for Britney!
AKIRA
(through tears)
I'll be good for Britney.
And Drunky fades away.
COSMO
Mr. Quellini! What are the soups of the day?
MANAGER
The soup of the day is Don't Wear a Long-Sleeved Shirt to Work. What're you, nuts?
CRYSTALLINA
Consuela, you handle my husband. I don't want the other servant in the house alone.
AKIRA
She’s a Nazi.
(it's the context and tone I imagined that makes it funny)
AKIRA
Yeah, my daughter wants to have sex with me.
Everyone in the room blinks, and some look to the doctor as if she might know how to explain their confusion.
AKIRA
In the past few months she's drawn pornographic images of us together in school, pelted me with “honey”’s “dear”’s and “love-muffin”’s in public, she’s threatened to hang herself unless I complied, and invited me into her room when she was naked. Oh, and she’s seven.
No one’s expression has really changed yet.
AKIRA
My wife’s a Nazi. And by “Nazi”, I don’t mean Nazi-Nazi, I mean Woman Who Won’t Stop Controlling the Minutia of My Life Even if Her Opinion is No Longer Welcome Nazi.
Dr. Reed purses her lips at his semantics.
AKIRA
I also work in customer service.
A resounding “ohh…” comes from the group, as if this is the first reason for his alcoholism that they can truly understand.
RONNIE
You know, one of the most important things in life is just to have a comfortable living, with a comfortable mattress. (suddenly yelling) I'LL FIGHT ANYONE WHO THINKS THAT ISN'T TRUE.
Ronnie looks extremely troubled that he's being brushed off, but when he sees Akira -- giving him a look rather like he's observing two copulating dung beetles at a zoo kiosk -- his face brightens, and he nods, sure Akira caught the reference somehow.
CRYSTALLINA
It was horrible, Mommy! As soon as you left, he just marched right into the house with his pants down! And, to say enough for you to know and as little to keep myself composed, the beast had risen from its slumber!
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