As quick as I can make it.

Man, progress just hasn't been very possible these past few days, and it's getting really frustrating for me. I definitely need to make up for it tomorrow on my day off as best I can. My work shifts have just been clumped together, and to make it worse my boss keeps giving me Wednesdays off, when the kids are over here all day and it's just not enjoyable clamming up in my room trying to get writing done. I don't feel very inspired when I feel like I'm hiding/avoiding something.

But yeah, work is been interrupting me far too much lately. I worked double shifts on Thursday and Friday, Saturday was an 8:30 am team meeting that threw the whole day off and I worked later, Sunday was 10-3, which felt like the whole day because I woke so early to try to plot stuff for HT that by the time I got off, I was exhausted and moody and fell asleep for a couple hours, then watched this or that on youtube to get inspired and worked on a painting that still looks like shit. Today, I also work a double shift, despite having maybe 25% of my energy back. Goddamnit.

Also, last night, while I was painting, I was aware that I'm totally off balance physically and in terms of my motivation because I've been off my antidepressants since like Wednesday. I ran out and just didn't find the time to go to the pharmacy. Instead, with what little time I had, I went to Pier One Imports and got candle supplies because I have priorities in life, people! I'm a responsible adult! I would rather look at pretty, flickering things than mind my mental health. So between work today I'll force myself to get those pills so I can stop drifting away from the spirit that has so possessed me this past month.

On that note, 2016 has started very well. I had a good feeling about it, just looking at the numbers... 2...0...1...6... Something about it gave me good vibes. A lot of new years start off well for me, though. Januaries are usually productive or hopeful in some way, probably because of the "turning over a new leaf" mentality that so many of us share about the time. Still, I just want to acknowledge that. It's been filled with desire to get things done, optimism, candy, giggling, Phantom, candles, really long bubble baths with LUSH products, painting, writing, and bonding with my coworkers. I also have finally felt at peace with being single again, and have put behind me some more of the darkness that used to creep in more often. I feel like a really good version of myself at the moment, and people do notice that. I can see the kind of energy I'm attracting. Honestly, it may just all be because of Phantom-related things and this story, which I believe I got back into after the random messages on FF.net. So thank you, to that reader, and thank you to deafield.

Gotta go run around and leave in twenty minutes. Wah wah...
-J