I find myself inescapably frustrated with Stephenie Meyer, the author of Twilight.

I did some reading about her and discovered she had never intended to be a writer, just spewed out 500 pages of an idea based on the dream, and had it published, in six months.

Before she knew it she was living my dream. Three extremely popular books, an upcoming movie, everything. I haven't read Twilight, all I know is that it sounds and has been confirmed to be very cliche, but I still feel I have to give it a shot. I also noticed how many coincidental aspects it has with He's There and continued to get frustrated. The black and white plus red theme of the book illustrations, the intention of making Bella like a real teenager dealing with an out of the norm circumstance, the fact that she also put together soundtracks of songs she thought fit for her work, including Creep by Radiohead, which I used. It just tore me apart, that she did everything I did but our status was so different. Also made me fear that He's There was no longer special.

Last night I kept saying I hated her, now I realize it was just immaturity and jealousy seeping in and I really have no hatred for her, I'm just perplexed by how lucky she has become and continue to soak in pessimism for my own career.

It wasn't until I realized I was sitting there, writing chapter 18 of He's There even though it's on hiatus that I realized my frustration for her is making me want to work harder. I'm not saying it's completely positive. I just realized that that's what I was doing. It's not going completely against my plans, because I said I would try to update once a month to assure promise that it would return.

Then I said to myself, if she can write 500 pages, then I can finish Tilly & Jo. Why? Because Tilly and Jo is probably closer to a novella. I would assume 150 pages or less. I've already written 50, and proven that I can do 100 somewhat improvised in 4 months (I don't count the two I was on hiatus). All it needs to keep me actually doing it is a concrete plotline, which I have plenty of time to do in the 6 weeks remaining before I start.

So, I'm plotting soon and my goal is to finish Tilly & Jo and that is that.

Edit: I just did a shitload of planning. XD I still have a big chunk in the middle to do, but this is pretty neat.
 
 
Current Mood: moody
 
 
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