Yes, a new part already! It's short as the last one and originally riddled with errors, and the content is absurd. We wrote it at like 10:30! I was getting tired and spewing nonsense a little bit. XD This part contains Hare threatening suicide on the bridge, and Rabbit trying to get him down as well as mention that his predicament far surpasses Hare's in terms of propelling suicide. I went and found an accompanying screenshot of Hare and Rabbit clutching each other for the hell of it. XD

From now on, I think I'll also include an impressionable excerpt I particularly like:

"Just QUIET!!!" Hare screams. "I can't concentrate!!!" He gulps at his reflection again.

"Please, Mr. Hare, not on the day of Hatter's baby shower!" Alice pleas.

"As if he even needs me! He's been nothing but abusive to me since that thing came to be! Almost like he's ashamed of what we had! Like he's trying to convince himself he hates me, and it workeddddd...ohghghgh godddd...."

All of a sudden, early 90s synthesizer music starts up again, though it's a little more forlorn than usual. Alice steps back and starts to sing "Suicide is not the answer—"

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!" Hare yells hysterically, stomping his feet for emphasis. "For God's sake, my suicide is not going to be punctuated with a retarded song! I should get at least that!" And with that the music stops abruptly and Alice looks more freaked out than ever.

"Do you really want a little girl like me to see someone die?!"

"You're what? Twelve? You'll get over it," Hare brushes her off.

"Hare?" A new yet familiar voice joins the chorus. It is basically the last voice Hare wants/needs to hear right now. "Come now, we can work this out, hm?" Rabbit says rather feebly.

"I thought you of all people would be planning a fucking Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade to honor my death! Now you can have that bastard all to yourself!"

"But Hare, you've got it all wrong! I don't want to be with Hatta~! I don't!"

Hare snorts. "Sure, that's what you want me to believe, you filthy little homewrecker!"

He's Having My Baby – Part 8

"You order me to stop? W-which part do you want me to stop? Do you want me to stop the part where there is a human being or a hare or whatever it is growing in my nutsack?"

"I don't think it's growing in your nutsack, Hatter," Hare tries.

"Do you want me to stop the part where I've gained 20 pounds? The part where I can't even get up without a pain like lava running through my swelled legs? The part where I throw up over the most unpredictable things? Oh, or maybe you want me to stop the fact that my life has changed forever, all because I had too many romps with Hare in the attic. Because I'd take it back if I could. Really."

The Rabbit bites his lip and tries to pat the Queen's shoulders, who's speechless. Hare decides to stick by is partner.

"I-If I had ever known what could happen, I would've been ten, no, a million times more careful. The truth is, we don't know how he got pregnant, either!"

"Well!" The Queen finally starts. "Obviously one of you has been a woman all along." She narrows her eyes at Hatter. Hatter's jaw drops.

"Even if you were right, it wouldn't be me."

Hare has enough of his dignity intact to sputter. "You are not implying that I'm the woman here!"

The Queen raises an eyebrow. "Was that question rhetorical?"

Hare tightened his fists, looking like a disgruntled post office worker ready to snap. "I impregnated him! They were my swimmers that swam into his...male equivalent of a uterus and fertilized his eggs! Not mine! Why doesn't anyone take that into account?!"

Hatter looked more pissed off than ever now. "This isn't about you, Hare! Why do you have to keep making this all about you?! Hm?!"

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about! I've had less screen-time in this fucked-up version of a feel-good family comedy than just about everyone!"

"Oh God, he's pulling out the movie metaphors now," Hatter said to no one in particular, rolling his eyes melodramatically.

Gnashing his teeth, Hare began to seethe: "You know what? You won't have to listen to my movie metaphors anymore! No one will! I've had enough of this shit to last a billion lifetimes!"

Hatter's expression drooped a little bit, though he was trying to hide it. "What do you mean? You're leaving Wonderland? Where the fuck would you go anyway? Detroit?"

"No, I'm not leaving Wonderland. I'm leaving this life! Sayounara, dickweed!" Hare breathes deep and hops over the fence, disappearing into the brush. Hatter's too shocked to move, the Queen would never run (unless she was being chased by a robot, but that was a one time thing), and the Rabbit isn't about to go through unpredictable terrain on his blades, so Alice is the one to chase the poor bastard.

He reaches the clearing near the bridge and starts sobbing to himself, all the while staggering up the wood planks, his clutch on the railing whimsical at best. The Tweedles happen to be nearby fucking around now that they've ditched the party, but from the distance aren't really sure what the hell Hare is doing.

His teardrops splatter into the surface of the water and distort his reflection as he leans over the side. (yes, without breaking it) A shuffle in the bushes redirects his attention to Alice who has come after him.

"Don't come any closer!"

"...I just wanna talk to you, Mr. Hare! ...The same way you always talked to me about my problems!"

He gulps nervously, glancing once more down the side of the bridge. "No.. No, Alice... I want you to picture a little speed boat out on the ocean... and then I want you to picture the Titanic... rolling by... inspiring even the tiniest wave to just come in and take out that speed boat like nothing. That's what your problems are. Always, with these ridiculous problems. 'Ohhhh, my friend won't come to my party,' 'ohhh, I can't finish my homework,' 'ohhhhhh..."

"Mr. Hare... you're scaring me. You don't sound like yourself."

He inhales sharply. "Well you know what?! Wonderland is reality! Things are actually tough over here!"

"What do you mean?! Nothing tough over here, it's easy!"

"Oh! Is that all it is to you? Then I guess it won't matter if I just off myself right now."

"...I don't want you to kill yourself. Nobody does."

"You've seen the way they treat me! Of course they do!"

Finally the Tweedles come forth.

"You guys, what the hell is going on?" Dee questions.

"Just QUIET!!!" Hare screams. "I can't concentrate!!!" He gulps at his reflection again.

"Please, Mr. Hare, not on the day of Hatter's baby shower!" Alice pleas.

"As if he even needs me! He's been nothing but abusive to me since that thing came to be! Almost like he's ashamed of what we had! Like he's trying to convince himself he hates me, and it workeddddd...ohghghgh godddd...."

All of a sudden, early 90s synthesizer music starts up again, though it's a little more forlorn than usual. Alice steps back and starts to sing "Suicide is not the answer—"

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!" Hare yells hysterically, stomping his feet for emphasis. "For God's sake, my suicide is not going to be punctuated with a retarded song! I should get at least that!" And with that the music stops abruptly and Alice looks more freaked out than ever.

"Do you really want a little girl like me to see someone die?!"

"You're what? Twelve? You'll get over it," Hare brushes her off.

"Hare?" A new yet familiar voice joins the chorus. It is basically the last voice Hare wants/needs to hear right now. "Come now, we can work this out, hm?" Rabbit says rather feebly.

"I thought you of all people would be planning a fucking Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade to honor my death! Now you can have that bastard all to yourself!"

"But Hare, you've got it all wrong! I don't want to be with Hatta~! I don't!"

Hare snorts. "Sure, that's what you want me to believe, you filthy little homewrecker!"

"Oh Hare, I just, I know how you feel." Hare's body stiffens and he gawks at Rabbit as if he's just said the most offensive thing in the history of the world.

"I don't think you have even the tiniest idea of how I feel right now! Nobody does! Moreover, nobody cares!"

"If nobody cared, we wouldn't even be here," Dum points out.

Everyone sort of gives him sidelong glances before getting back to the bigger issue. Rabbit tries again. "Hare, though we all act as if we have the emotional range of a teaspoon, we all have our bad days. Days where you just don't even want to botha~, or wonder what the point of your life is. I mean, look at my life. I'm basically an indentured servant to this shrew of a woman and I have barely any time for a social life or my hobbies, other than skating of course."

Hare's beady eyes narrow. "You certainly have enough time to knock boots with Hatter!"

Rabbit blithely ignores this comment and continues on with his little motivational speech. "The point is, if anyone has the right to be suicidal around here, it's me." The group hanging around the bridge all mumble in agreement.

Hare sighs. "You might be right." He nods to himself. "No, you're definitely right. You should come up here. Stand next to me." Rabbit looks to the others for reassurance and carefully rolls up towards Hare. He reaches out his gloved hands for Hare's to hold.

"We can-"

"Jump together? That's exactly what I was thinking. And Hatter... well now he won't get either of his toys!"

"Hare, I'm not his toy. I explained this innumerable times."

"I know you are. You don't have to hide it anymore in our last moments."

"Okay, I really must say that at this point it sounds like you just fantasize about the idea of me and your best friend in the bedroom,-"

"Come on you guys, this is getting kind of tiresome," Dum interjects. Hare jerks his head around toward Dum.

"Oh yeah, jackhole? Why don't you come up here and kill yourself? See how easy it is!"

"Oh, because you already demonstrated how easy it is?"

"DUM, for god's sake," Dee breaks in, "don't encourage that nutcase! What if he throws Rabbit over first?!"

"Somehow, I don't think Rabbit would have that many regrets..." Alice thinks aloud.

Just then, the Queen and Hatter finally make the scene after taking a stroll through the forest.

"Oh, so this is where you all went." Hatter notes.

"We're KILLING OURSELVES, so you just STAY OVER THERE, ASSHOLE." Hare shouts.

"We're not killing ourselves, REALLY!" Rabbit corrects. Hare's face drops.

"Rabbit, I thought we were doing this together."

"N-... you were the one that wanted to off yourself. I'm fine living in the shithole a few more years."

"But that was before I rethought it! I don't want to be that one guy that jumped off the bridge alone! At least if I do it with you, people will remember it happened. H-Hatter might remember."

"-Huh? Remember what?" Hare smacks his forehead. It's noted that he's still hovering over his doom. "Hare... would you please stop being so damn melodramatic?" Hare looks to Hatter with watery eyes.

"I-I-I can't believe you would say that to me in this type of situation. And Rabbit... all pumped up and ready to go..."

"I don't want to kill myself, Hare." Rabbit repeats. Alice darts her eyes around.

"Well, you guys... as long as we're here... I may as well kill myself too!" she says, completely unconvincingly. She steps onto the bridge and clutches Rabbit's free arm. She gives Dum a "get the fuck up here" stare and he obeys.

"Well if you and Rabbit are gonna go, I really don't see the point in living. No offense, Dee, you're just not that fun as one person."

To be continued...