Ignore this post! It's temporary. x3



I just pictured a promo for AIW on the porn channel. And they're... cleaning the dishes in the big round sink with a couple of hoses and Hatter starts squirting Hare.

"Oh look, Hare, you're all wet!"

That reminds me of the episode of family guy where peter put the hose on Lois while she was bringing in the groceries and it ended up with her on the curb with the groceries spread out, and he was shooting the water right into her mouth. What if Hatter plotted a hose attack on Hare when he came to visit? It'd be funniest though if he got really pissed off about it, or maybe he could... get revenge on him and ferocious slippery love-making ensues on the tea table, and Alice walks up unsuspectingly to the gate.

"Hi Mr. Hatter, Mr. H--h-holy shit." She walks back into the brush. "I never saw this... I never saw this..."

Cuts to Alice in the fetal position sucking her thumb on a mushroom next to the Caterpillar. "I knew I was going to see and experience some new things when I first discovered I could walk through mirrors. But I... I really... I'm so unsure about everything now... Oh Godddd...

Caterpillar: "Alice... what did you seeeee that was so horrrrible?"

Alice: "I think I'm supposed to keep it a secretttt......ohaghdogod..."

Caterpillar: "You can tell me, Alice. I'm the Caterpillar. I have the best advice."

Alice: "Well..."

Caterpillar: "You know you want tooooo~<3"

Alice: "Not really... but I guess if I don't let it out somewhere it'll just bottle up inside until it explodes-..ohagohgodddd.... don't think about explosions..."

Caterpillar raises his eyebrow.

Alice: "...Do you ever walk by Mr. Hatter's house and... get the feeling you shouldn't see if anybody's home?"

Caterpillar: "Actuallyyyyy.... no."

Alice: "Well... do you ever..."

Caterpillar: "I don't do anything, Alice. It's why I buy all these books, in case you haven't noticed."

Alice: "Okay, well then... you know when a man and a woman love each other very much..."

Caterpillar coughs loudly. "Sorry, but I most certainly don't keep those types of books around here."

Alice: "FOR ONCE, IT'S NOT ABOUT YOUR GODAMN BOOKS, OKAY?!!!" She shrinks back into herself and buries her face in her hands.

Caterpillar: "Weeeeell. What is it, then?" Alice looks at him expectantly. "Oh... yes... men... women... love...?"

Alice: "Well... sometimes a man and a man love each other."

Caterpillar: "Yeah, but I don't think we're scheduled to deal with this issue in any of the episodes, um..." He looks towards us uncomfortably like he's breaking the fourth wall.

Alice: "Well... there's a man and a man that love each other very much here in Wonderland and I... I just don't think I can take it anymore. I keep walking in on them, and, I just- You'd think they'd lock a door or.. keep their voices down or- ...It's like they want people to know."

Caterpillar: "Are we talking about who I think we're talking about?"

Alice: "You know who I'm talking about?!"

Caterpillar: "A particular pair comes to mind."

Alice: "So you've seen it too."

Caterpillar: "Seen it?! I was the one that told them they should start living out their sexual fantasies."

Alice: "What?!!!"

Caterpillar: "Well... they came to me for advice... said there was some tension..."

Alice: "OH MY GODDDDD."

Caterpillar: "What was I supposed to do?!" Alice goes silent. "Exactly. You can't keep people from doing what they are bound to do one way or the other anyway."

Alice: "But you at least told them... maybe they shouldn't be having godamn relations on the tea table in broad daylight, just about the time I was supposed to visit."

Caterpillar: "Passion can be blinding."

Alice: "Oh?! And what do you know about passion?"

Caterpillar: "I know fucking everything, you little twat, now stop questioning me."

Alice: "Well okay FINE, here's a question for you, you all-knowing sage." Caterpillar nods agreeably. "How do you unsee what has been seen?"

Caterpillar: "Hmmmmm..."

"Well whose was it? Hatter's or Hare's?"

Alice: "It was Hatter's."

Caterpillar: "Well you don't need to unsee that. In a few years, you'll be gracious, child. ...If it were Hare's... well I'd say dunk your head in a bucket of bleach. But it's not, so don't worry."


I wonder how the Queen would take that type of confrontation. "Those two are at it again?! JESUS, they're like a couple of bonobos!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~




regarding hatter...

torturedfruit865 (10:02:26 PM): yeahhh *sighs* what a hunk
torturedfruit865 (10:03:04 PM): a hunk of hot steaming crumpet
TEAhoarder (10:03:28 PM): hahahahahaha
TEAhoarder (10:03:39 PM): hotter than a whistling teapot!
torturedfruit865 (10:03:57 PM): and..
torturedfruit865 (10:04:03 PM): harder than a rock.
torturedfruit865 (10:04:06 PM): *covers mouth*
TEAhoarder (10:04:22 PM): oh... oh my
TEAhoarder (10:04:36 PM): lol
torturedfruit865 (10:05:54 PM): and then there's hare... who's hot as tea that was left on the table and as smokin as fire-proof oven mitts.
torturedfruit865 (10:07:27 PM): hard.. well, he could stand to do a few sit-ups
TEAhoarder (10:07:31 PM): lmao! i'm sure he'd be flattered to hear tht
torturedfruit865 (10:08:00 PM): yes, I bet
torturedfruit865 (10:08:09 PM): well I could also say to him,
torturedfruit865 (10:08:22 PM): "but I like cold tea on certain occasions, and I love a man that cooks."
torturedfruit865 (10:08:55 PM): "hot steaming crumpets are good and all but somebody has to make them"
torturedfruit865 (10:08:59 PM): *twirls bowtie with finger*
TEAhoarder (10:09:36 PM): lol!
torturedfruit865 (10:10:30 PM): hare: "haeeeehh. well, I guess I'll just come out and say it........ brace yourself... " he warns with a finger.
torturedfruit865 (10:10:37 PM): "... I'm gay."
torturedfruit865 (10:10:45 PM): *crickets*
torturedfruit865 (10:11:26 PM): "...and where exactly does this come into play in us having sex?"
torturedfruit865 (10:11:34 PM): "... uhh.... lots of places."
torturedfruit865 (10:11:55 PM): "yeah, but-"
torturedfruit865 (10:12:00 PM): he clears his throat over me
torturedfruit865 (10:12:05 PM): "i-i-it's not gonna happen."
torturedfruit865 (10:12:27 PM): "see, being the cook that you were talking about,"
torturedfruit865 (10:12:37 PM): "my only agenda what-so-ever is those hot steaming crumpets"
torturedfruit865 (10:13:13 PM): "what?! You've never had sex with the baker AND the breads before?!"
torturedfruit865 (10:13:26 PM): Hare - "I-I-I don't even know what you're talking about anymore."


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~





torturedfruit865 (10:16:17 PM): Hare- "You know? It's about time we had a gal around hereeee."
torturedfruit865 (10:16:28 PM): "What about the Queen?"
TEAhoarder (10:16:41 PM): "she doesnt put out"
torturedfruit865 (10:16:56 PM): "Oh... well... you know. I've tried. She doesn't seem interested."
torturedfruit865 (10:17:49 PM): "I grew her some godamn flowers. The next day, she didn't even remember she had talked to me. Maybe I should have had Hatter take pictures of me out in the garden with my shirt off and sent a card." "...But then I realized... I'm so hot, he'd probably keep them all to himself."

Me - "Okay...well... don't push it, Hare..."

"Huh?"

"...Nothing."

"No, really."

"Wellll... I-i-igh... well in my opinion, half the reason you're attractive to me is that you aren't conventionally appealing."

"I am VERY conventional."

"Are we actually getting in a fight over this?! Look, I just wanna bang you before Hatter gets here! Is that so much to ask?!"

"Right in front of the table?!! OhOhhh.. he'll hear about this."

torturedfruit865 (10:23:49 PM): wait, this was supposed to be masculine-hare fantasy
torturedfruit865 (10:24:15 PM): ok ok
torturedfruit865 (10:24:20 PM): *clears throat again*

Hare - "And I want him to hear about it!!" He tackles me on top of the table. We make out furiously, though Hare seems more excited than me. "He'll be so jealous..." I try to pry him off of me but he seems more and more enthused with the act.

"You're doing this just because you want Hatter to be jealous?!!!" He stops abruptly while straddling me over the plates.

"OF COURSE! Do you know how many people he sleeps with around here?! And he doesn't say it, but he THINKS that I'm all his, WELLLLLL, he's wrongggggg!"

"But you're gay!" Hare grimaces.

"Maybe, but we have the tinker toys to make this work here, so stop with the talking and go with the ripping my clothes off, plz."

"You don't sound anything like yourself!"

"That's why it's a fantasy!"

"Well maybe I don't like how this fantasy is going, and no, I'm not gonna rip your clothes off!"

torturedfruit865 (10:30:11 PM): whyyy am I making us fight
torturedfruit865 (10:30:13 PM): *cough*

"But if you sit up straight and act a little gayer, I will kindly remove them and leave them folded on that chair over there."

"Well, okay." Hare pulls himself off of me and sits with his hands over his lap on top of the tea table. A moment later as I'm unbuttoning his shirt, Hatter comes walking up.

"Whaaaaaaat is thisssss?" Hare stares at him a moment, obviously having some sort of thought. He tackles me again. "Oghghgh-Hatter, I'm busy-"

"With what?!" he asks obliviously. He takes a seat at the table and picks up a teapot we had almost knocked over a second earlier to pour himself some tea.

"Well, this girl just showed up and she couldn't keep her hands off of me," he explains while trying to fling my arms over his shoulders. "You know how sexually desirable I am, after all." Hatter sighs.

"Is this about all the fanmail? Listen, I apologize. If I could instruct the studio to put it in the furnace to warm up this place, I would. It's not like I'm TRYING to make you look like a loser." Hare stops wrestling around with me once more.

"I don't need you to do anything to make me feel better about myself. I got plenty of fanmail last week. Why, I got one from a girl who sent pictures. And she was a twin. And she said she shaves off all the hair on her body. And she's a flight attendant."

Hatter: "No no no no nooooo. she was a triplet, not a twin."

Hare's eyes narrow. "....How did you know." Hatter's eyes drop into his cup.

"...Okay, so I wrote that one myself. I just didn't want to see you so down in the dumps about that stuff."

Hare slumps over me, completely deflated. "What am I doing..." He asks himself, actually sounding like normal. "I-I-I shouldn't have jumped you like that. I don't even know you." He retracts and straightens out his shirt. "I... I'm sorry."

"But." I begin. "I-I-I admit that that's really sad and you were being a little too aggresive, but... we don't have to stop."

"Are you kidding me? I'm gayer than a question mark! No more for me, thanks. Now that I know I don't have to do it."

"You DO have to do it, you BASTARD!" Hatter blinks.

"Well well well. It looks like you do have some fangirls."

"Shut up, Hatter."

Hatter's surprised. Hare seems equally confounded that this exchange is happening.

"Hare has way more fangirls than you think. They just aren't pathetic enough to send wimpy little letters. So you can do whatever you want with yours, Hatter, Hare has real business to get to."

"I-I don't know what you mean by all that. E-everyone knows that I get laid all the freaking time. I'm the fucking Mad Hatter."

I give him a "so what" look like I'm really clever and start following Hare who's trying to inch away. Eventually I'm chasing him out of the scene to get what I want. Hatter stands there silently. He looks around a little. The end.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~





torturedfruit865 (11:05:22 PM): if they didn't know what sex /was/, they would do stupid stuff, like hatter would walk up and go "hey I have a REALLY cool idea! let's tape our cocks together!"
TEAhoarder (11:05:41 PM): LMFAO
torturedfruit865 (11:06:32 PM): and it would be educational
torturedfruit865 (11:06:39 PM): Hare: "Look, Hatter.. we make the letter H."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~




About sending one of my artworks to the one and only Mr. Holland...

torturedfruit865 (9:42:26 PM): even James Wan says he likes my billy artwork, but he disagrees about me being the thing's mother and owning it one day. or puppet-kidnapping.
torturedfruit865 (9:42:36 PM): puppet-napping.
TEAhoarder (9:43:05 PM): lol
torturedfruit865 (9:43:32 PM): ok fine. he can just not-respond all he likes.
torturedfruit865 (9:43:43 PM): I'm content knowing it met his eyes and many many scandalous memories were revived.
torturedfruit865 (9:51:41 PM): you know,
torturedfruit865 (9:52:07 PM): now that his memories are rekindled, he's not gonna be able to sleep at night
torturedfruit865 (9:52:18 PM): and he'll know it's all my fault
TEAhoarder (9:52:39 PM): lmfao
torturedfruit865 (9:52:56 PM): and he will obsessively stalk my pages, and use my hatter x hare drawings as his desktop background
TEAhoarder (9:53:10 PM): XD that woul be pretty funny
torturedfruit865 (9:53:18 PM): and when gary comes near, he'll just curl up a little and be like 'h-h-hey honey. I-I'm busy right now."
torturedfruit865 (9:53:49 PM): and then when he leaves, feeling the awkwardness between them, reece will gather his eye sockets in his fingers and sigh audibly
torturedfruit865 (9:54:01 PM): and whisper "...the one... that got away...."

A few months from now, though he did not respond to my messages, he will show up at my door, in the rain. Yes, it's raining terribly in August. He'll be like "...What do you know about John?" and I'll be like

"As much as I can through google." "...I mean technically you could do it too, I don't really know what you're doing here."

"... O-ogh god. I guess I just hoped that maybe you could bring us closer again. I.... I... I tried to add him on facebook and he declined."

"There there... it's okay... it's... it's nearly impossible to be friends with John on there. it's nothing personal."

"... But.... but.... but."

"W-what is it, babeh?"

"He added you."

"Yeah but."

"But WHAT?!"

"I...'ve never had sexual tension with him before. ...He's never came up behind my ass before and gave me teh locomotionz, if you know what I mean."

"...Are you trying to say... that I was easy?!"

"Well, a little."

"Well YOU try telling that man to STOP!"

torturedfruit865 (10:04:33 PM): I couldn't bring myself to
torturedfruit865 (10:05:00 PM): I'd be like "I... oh god... Hatter, I... oh geeezzzz.... Hatter I'm saving myself for Har-.OHHGHHSWEETMOTHER."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~





torturedfruit865 (11:06:12 PM): do you ever stop and think about the fact that everything has to go somewhere and that all the stuff on the show is somewhere?
TEAhoarder (11:06:37 PM): possibly lol
torturedfruit865 (11:06:47 PM): like... where's Hare's suit?
torturedfruit865 (11:07:09 PM): is it somewhere in a so. cal. Good Will?
TEAhoarder (11:07:17 PM): they MUST still have that somewhere though
torturedfruit865 (11:07:51 PM): who must?
torturedfruit865 (11:08:10 PM): maybe reece has it
torturedfruit865 (11:08:20 PM): I know John said he didn't get his, but maybe on the last day, Reece walked up and said "hey, can I keep this? I look damn good in it." and they were all "of course you may, ajoojoojoo" and then John popped up.

"Can I keep mine too?!"

"No. we don't like you enough." "...Well actually, the truth is that we knew we'd make a lot of money if we auctioned it to the fangirls." "We sold it for 10k."

John arches his eyebrows. "Oh, okay. Well... That's too bad..."

"We'll give you some."

"Oh, okay! Cool!"

"Well, cya later Reece. Have fun with the suit."

Reece looks down a moment. "Oh, I see how it is."

"You can keep everything. We don't need it anymore."

"I-I-I can't believe what I'm hearing!"

He goes around the set "making sure".

"You know, they might want this croquet mallot. I did some serious games with this here."

"No really. The fangirls don't want your stuff." "We already sold all of Hatter's mallots."

"W...Well you know, this teacup over here. I drank out of this many times."

"That's disgusting."

Hare walks off deflated.

"We sold EVERY single one of John's teacups. even the ones OFF set." "We sold a used napkin from the lunch table."

Reece just looks at them like they've all lost their marbles.

Some fangirl: "John's DNA!!! OMG OMG!! Do you know what this means?!? ALL I need is a fresh ovum and proper incubation!!"

Reece: "Well. I'm keeping that letter from the twin flight attendants."

John: "Just as long as you know it was from me."

Reece: "I know."

torturedfruit865 (11:25:51 PM): poor Hare. I'd be his fangirl.

So Reece will cry to John the morning after the last night shooting. They will be together in John's apartment after a frisky night.

Reece: "And it's like... i--i-i-it's not that I care about them. I just want to feel validated."

"Why do you have to feel validated by knowing they want to buy your clothes in an auction?"

"Why do they have to think you're hot at all?"

"Pshhh.. of course you would ask a question like that... You've been blessed your entire life, John."

"You still didn't answer my question."

"Well, because even without the fangirls, there really hasn't been indication that anybody appreciates me in any way."

John has no idea what to say. "Y-Y-..y... that's true. ...But they do. Really. T-They thought you were awesome. They loved all your stuff. They just don't love it enough to buy it."

"To buy it, you'd have to be crazy."

"My fangirls are crazy. They sold my used napkins for God's sake. Who does that?!"

Reece: "If I were in charge, I would. I could use the money." John looks put off. "I'm just accepting the reality of the situation! They would buy it!"

"I-I-I don't wanna think about it anymore."

"Okay. What should we do today?"

"Hmmm... let's go for a walk and then bird watch."

The end.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~




torturedfruit865 (9:41:07 PM): "why don't you come and get my egg roll."
torturedfruit865 (9:41:10 PM): OHHH.
torturedfruit865 (9:41:17 PM): I went there.
TEAhoarder (9:43:46 PM): hahahah
TEAhoarder (9:44:03 PM): "....tcchhh tchh tchh.... FINE.... Fine... I.. I WILL."
torturedfruit865 (9:44:38 PM): he inches up to Hare with his arms crossed
torturedfruit865 (9:44:47 PM): and pouts when Hare starts biting his ear?
TEAhoarder (9:45:32 PM): haha "HAAAAre. What are you dooooing?!?"
torturedfruit865 (9:46:22 PM): "Oh, there is no way you have less familiarity with sexual advances than I do."
torturedfruit865 (9:46:46 PM): "If I know what I'm doing, so do you." and then he flings his leg over Hatter's lap.
TEAhoarder (9:47:03 PM): Hatter shrugs and goes with it
TEAhoarder (9:47:06 PM): hahaha
torturedfruit865 (9:49:21 PM): "action? sure, I'll take it. ... what were we arguing about?"
torturedfruit865 (9:50:05 PM): "uhhh... we weren't having enough sex?"
torturedfruit865 (9:50:08 PM): "oh yeahhhh."
torturedfruit865 (9:50:19 PM): "yeah. that's what it was."
TEAhoarder (9:50:22 PM): "of course"
torturedfruit865 (9:50:35 PM): "...and why are you wearing that golf hat?"
torturedfruit865 (9:50:43 PM): "we were... roleplaying?"
torturedfruit865 (9:50:59 PM): "and you were what? a golf caddy?"
torturedfruit865 (9:51:16 PM): "it's been a fantasy of mine..." Hare replies timidly, nose a-quiver.
TEAhoarder (9:53:44 PM): lol i can see that being a fantasy of his
TEAhoarder (9:53:47 PM): he's so weird
torturedfruit865 (9:54:12 PM): lol
torturedfruit865 (9:58:07 PM): poor Dormouse, probably knows too many things about their private life
torturedfruit865 (9:58:26 PM): he really oughta blackmail them
TEAhoarder (9:58:37 PM): lol
TEAhoarder (9:58:45 PM): always feeling the 3rd wheel
TEAhoarder (9:58:50 PM): and then one day he cracks
TEAhoarder (9:59:14 PM): or no.. no secretly he's selling videos and pictures to gay wonderland porn mags
torturedfruit865 (10:00:08 PM): lol
torturedfruit865 (10:00:46 PM): and while the Queen is reading every magazine in Wonderland to see if she's mentioned, the secret gets out?
TEAhoarder (10:01:24 PM): haha yeah. dormouse sends some juicy blurry photos to Wonderland Enquirer
torturedfruit865 (10:02:43 PM): and then Hatter tries to strangle him?
torturedfruit865 (10:03:13 PM): or they could try the meth machine on him again
torturedfruit865 (10:03:22 PM): I mean uh... the white elephant jacuuzi
TEAhoarder (10:03:52 PM): hahahah
TEAhoarder (10:04:47 PM): hare is bringing him to it, hatter, with a sick grin turns it on. dormouse is just struggling against hare's grip yelling "no!! NO!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!"
TEAhoarder (10:05:01 PM): he bites hare, who flings him away
TEAhoarder (10:05:11 PM): or against a wall
TEAhoarder (10:05:35 PM): he dies on impact, and hatter and hare just play it off like it was a murder
TEAhoarder (10:05:46 PM): i could totally see it: CSI: Wonderland
torturedfruit865 (10:06:04 PM): jesus
TEAhoarder (10:06:28 PM): "Hare, you have mouse hair all over your gloves..." "I was helping him hang his laundry!"
TEAhoarder (10:09:34 PM): Later on "Mr. hatter. were you aware of pictures sent to the Wonderland Enquirer some few months ago? By a Mr. "Herr Mouse"?" "No....No I wasn't. Not at all." "You don't seem phased by these pictures published of you and Hare in a compromising position."
torturedfruit865 (10:10:15 PM): "compromising position" XD
torturedfruit865 (10:10:39 PM): "Excuse me?! We were making LOVE, you fuckknuckle. And it's none of your business. ...you ass." And he mutters incoherently as per usual.
TEAhoarder (10:11:29 PM): "And it was none of this... Herr Mouse's business either! ...Whoever that little bastard was. I mean... IS."

"'Was'?"

"What?! I read the news. Just because I know he's dead as a doormat doesn't mean I did it. Hehe... dormouse... doormat..."

"..I... never suggested that you did it."

"Screw you." He slams the door. "Pesky reporter..." He comes back to bed.

"Hare, I thought I told you to stop eating cookies in here."

"You did, but... but... I can't help it."

"Hare, you know I'm a cookiholic."

"Well I am too, just not in a chemical way."

"I can tell." Hare slaps him.

"I know you love my figure, so don't even go there."

Hatter rolls his eyes playfully. "Yeah yeah yeah."



~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~





I can actually tell which episode it's from not from suit but from the way his wig is cut. It's like every morning, when everyone's fiddling around waiting for Rabbit to get his finishing costume touches, Reece goes into the bathroom and pulls out mustache scissors. "Hmmm...... I don't like that chunk right there..." *snip*

TEAhoarder (8:29:00 PM): lmfao
TEAhoarder (8:29:05 PM): you never know... XD

He turns left and right. Thinks a moment. ...*snip* After a while: "Oohhhgh shit, this doesn't look good!.."

He comes out with really short bangs like he somehow looked when he jumped out of that plant in From Hare to Eternity. "Can I.. can I have a new wig?"

"Yeah, sure. we've got a whole bunch in the back room"

He goes back in the bathroom

"Alright, this time I'm not gonna fuck around, I'm just gonna..."...*snip* "Yeah ok that looks good."

"Alright guys, I'm ready!"



Maybe him and the hair-dresser/make-up artist had a bad relationship. And every morning they were undedicated. "Uh... ma'am... that's not usually how we do my eye shadow."

"Shut up, Reece."

I'd approve only if they were a little more thoughtless with his wardrobe.

"Ummm... yeah, this speedo was the only thing I found in my dressing room."

"...Yeah?"

"Well. Where's Hare's clothes?"

"... I don't know. Obviously that must be it."

He starts looking angry. "But that doesn't make any sense."

"Wonderland never makes sense. Wear it."

"But... but.. but... I have an uneven complexion! T-T-They'd have to paint my whole body!"

His make-up artist shows up. "Alright Reece, lay down."

"No! >:O"

The whole time he's getting it done, he's asking one question after the other. "Why would I wear a speedo?! Why would Hare wear a speedo?"

"We don't know. We didn't read the script."

John walks in to get his face done. Reece instinctively curls up a little and the make-up artist's paint brush swerves onto the chair

"Oh God, John is here...-"

"Reece, GODAMNIT, stay still! Look what you did!"

"Ohgoddd... ohhh, goddd...."

John passes by, not really seeming too interested in the fact that he's sitting there in his underwear with the head part of his costume already done.

Make-up artist: "Relax. He didn't even notice you. Probably because he's not attracted to you.-"

Reece: "-you take that back."