I'm hesitating to write my usual year in review, where I count the pages and document what I actually accomplished last year. I'm hesitating to do it because so little will be written down, and I'm also hesitating because in all likelihood I'll have the same goals I did last year, since I.... um.... didn't accomplish any of them?

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...

THIS happened!:



And THIS!


He still has never spoken to me, so they were very unexpected gestures. You know what I found out about Wesley now that he's added me on FB? His wife is Japanese. lol I'm so curious now if he can speak any Japanese! Apparently they got married in 2000, so I'm a little confused if he's been married twice or if Richard was mistaken when he told me he was married back when they were working on the show, and she was actually just his steady girlfriend (although being steady for eight years is kind of a long time...) I also learned his birth year, which means while shooting AIW he turned 29. Twenty-nine! That's so damn young. lol I remember being just as shocked to learn that Patrick turned 30, but mostly because they did such a good job at making him look old. Actually, it's kind of adorable, because now that he's getting older, he looks more and more like Rabbit. lmao

Anyhoo, now that the site has officially gone public on FB (but not tumblr yet), I'm kind of just waiting around to see if anyone else will find it and contact me. It was really sweet and well-meaning of Wesley to share it so people who knew he worked on it could see it; I wish the others would do that, too, but oh well.

One thing I've realized, though, is that A LOT of my traffic are using mobile phones. I mean at least half, if not more of my traffic has been mobile, and a lot of people from California and New York. It's super unnerving. I can't ask them what it looks like, so I'm put in the helpless situation of having my fingers crossed that I look like a competent coder. ighghgHGHGHgh....

Onto other subjects. Writing. You know, that thing I used to do. Specifically He's There.

Once stuck, always stuck, is the problem right now. I'm looking for other people who can take the burden of offering feedback off of R & A because they so don't deserve to feel like I threw the position of editors on them. Someone is coming to mind whom I might ask to look after the rewrites (or maybe she has seem them already; I can't remember), but I think I need to put chapters 5 and what I have of 6 up so I can get some help. I gradually stopped working on these last year because suddenly I didn't believe in myself anymore by chapter six. Something very important was about to happen, but I wasn't sure if I was doing anything right, and so I began walking around in the dark, plotting things that weren't making me go "OH YEAH, THAT'S GOOD". You can tell in chapters 1-4, and maybe 5, that I believed in myself and was having very vivid imaginings... so to have that come to a halt all of a sudden was hard. I'll post plot and writing in a little while and try to convince people to offer their opinion, which I'm sure will be like pulling teeth.

I didn't really write anything else last year. I started an AIW fanfiction that got almost nowhere, and even though I love the idea of working on and finishing it, writing in a vacuum just isn't fun. Writing without inspiration from others, and writing just so I can post it and get no response aren't fun. The other stories I've done, there was a lot of energy behind them, a lot of conversations packed with laughter, and little moments and situations pulled from here or there that built up scenes and sequences, long before I even wrote them. It was almost just like connecting the dots and fleshing out the bones. And once I'd done that, there were these things called friends I had who were excited to read it and see it all incorporated. I almost think I need a social life back before I can progress creatively. This sucks.

Maybe my 2015 goal will just be "have friends again." "Join a fandom group for something else." I don't know.

Oh shit, this entry got depressing!

Bye.

-J

This: http://ladybows-fs.livejournal.com/155628.html

How do I compare to this? How do I even scrap up anything to say was even half as wonderful or prolific as last year? I look at this now with my jaw dropped because I was fucking superwoman. A divine fire was under my ass.

I mean HO-ly SHIITTT.

There's only a couple of things I did this year, but I need to not be negative about it.

1. I put CP4 into real script format and revised it a lot, even though I didn't finish it. I spent some time thinking about how it needs to be shaped up, rearranged, charged with all the things I learned in script class.

2. I finished He's There. August 2007 - December 2013. Bada-bing, bada-boom. This wasn't just something that I topped off. After putting together the entire manuscript, I realized that this year I wrote 100 of the total 380 pages. There was a lot that needed to be done, and so much that had been churning over and over in my head and needing to be changed. Everything got so much more complicated as it went on that the last hundred pages were nearly as much work as the first 280.





Using these and future art to come, I'll build a website that works towards presenting it as a publication and a future film (hopefully.)

That's all I can say.

I could be disappointed, but He's There holds a lot of weight in my creative life. It could be my way in; it could be a financial success. People tell me it can be something. Some of the other things I wanted to do I will love to do when I get around to them, but they might not help me quit this job at a pizzeria, you know?

So what do I want to do in 2014?
```````````````````````````````````````

Revise it all and seek an agent. First priority. It can't wait any longer. I've already started rereading and making notes. I want revisions, a website, and at least a prospective agent by December 31st 2014.

Write a new AIW fanfiction - like, really. Why didn't I do it last year?

Do script frenzy and win it. Do it for Nosferatu in Love and love every minute of it.

Make progress with my Orlok costume. Commission my coat, sew my hat, and get the nails and teeth. Figure out that confusing sculpt that needs to go under the baldcap. I'm sick of having a mediocre costume that I can only use on webcam! I want to make better videos with him in preparation for playing him in my own script, and that starts with an HD-friendly costume.



It's four things, but they're huge. I wish myself good luck.

♥
J