The rest of this chapter. I didn't realize that the part I'm actually dreading won't really happen until the next chapter. So... I have a little more time to put that off. But I got some inspiration from reading the book...


HE'S (@) THERE
Chapter 50 – Fallen Idol (Part 2)


At half past five, the murmuring of guests had grown into a wall of voices from the other end of the curtain. My make-up artist for the day, Lynne, was taking the curls out of my hair while I settled a uncommitted gaze on my lap. She noticed I was shaking like a leaf and told me the show was excellent so far, so there was nothing to be afraid of, but there was much more to fear than that, something which I knew could appear at any moment. Maybe it was intuition that kept my surveillance so high.

I saw Erik's father, or so I had been thinking him to be, and he threw an indifferent glance at the backstage bustle before exiting the room into the hall.

But then he came back when I put myself in the conspicuous line by the door where I would receive my costume yet again. When he made direct eye contact, eyes like razorblades, I knew that his target was me, and even if he may have had something important to tell me, my instinct was to bolt out of there, stunning my peers. I went straight through the curtain and probably caught some of the audience's stares when I threw myself out the side door.

Only after I sneaked back inside, threw on Shelley's shirt and jeans, and returned almost late for warm-up, could the night continue as it was intended, but not for long. They must have sensed I was off, distracted. Maybe they thought I had a special guest in the audience who made me nervous, or that I'd had a day worse than the last. It stood with Westin that I wouldn't talk about it, but he continued addressing me, doing his dance in one place which never failed to either charm or embarrass me, or stepping close enough that it was obvious he was making himself available for another one of my desperate hugs. But, ironically enough, he didn't look like he was having the best night himself, when we were no longer facing each other.

He'd made a lot of friends by now. I had no one watching tonight, not even my parents, though they promised to come the last night, which I had been pondering to cancel for myself. During intermission, everyone was getting drinks and crashing on the backstage couches. There, I saw Erik's father again, entering through the hallway door so subtly, not moving so much as a foot from it. I'd been sticking close to Leslie, who was having a chat with some senior girls who comprised the townspeople. I had to find some reason to turn around, so I pretended my bag was somewhere on the floor and sunk down looking for it. He found Mrs. Vardega and started talking to her, and I knew if I didn't leave the room immediately that she'd point me out if he was asking about me. Again, in another rash moment, I cut through the curtain and took the side door.

I was sick of doing this. I knew he was going to find me one way or another, and I was just too much of a coward to realize it was not even acceptable to avoid him if I thought I loved Erik. Maybe I owed him this. What was I afraid to know? If I had been begging Erik to tell me some amount of truth, because I wanted to feel I actually loved him, why would I be opposed to learning what I suspected from someone else? From someone who may have had a clearer view of it than Erik himself? Had I given Erik an ultimatum when I didn't really love him? Was it love just to leave notes like this?

The door opened right behind me and my reflexes made me duck beneath the bars and jump off the platform before it was Westin's voice that stopped me. “Lily?!” I whipped around and covered half my face.

“I'm sorry, I didn't know it was you!” He held open the door with his mouth hanging open. “Close the door. Please.” He listened, but waited for an explanation while I climbed back up. He lent me a hand, eyes darting between mine, never letting go. I looked down the ramp, and then into the forest, where the colors of the sunset glossed over the grounds.

“Is there something I should know about?” He asked.

“No. I just wanted to get some fresh air, and you kind of startled me. I didn't think anyone was going to come out.” He dropped his gaze to the pavement and blinked a few times.

“Well, it looked like you were running away...” His hand slipped away from mine, and he appeared to be sincerely reevaluating what he had seen, to the point where I couldn't take lying anymore. I didn't want to be a frustrating puzzle that insulted his intelligence. I didn't want to lose him as a friend, and this looked to be the very first opportunity to stop playing games.

I bowed my head. “Well, if I said I was, would you listen to me if I told you not to worry about it?”

“No, I wouldn't. I'm officially worried,” he smiled humorlessly. “What's going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing...”

“Nothing, nothing so--, not anything so much.” Godamnit, I couldn't speak. “You know that man who always speaks to Mrs. Vardega, the one who isn't a teacher. That's the owner of the theater. He never talks to anyone. But he wants to talk to me.”

“Okay?”

“He and I know someone, who... He knows that I know someone who...” I couldn't stop myself from checking that we were alone, but Westin's gaze was unceasing. I guess his eyes had been blue this entire time. “I know someone who shouldn't be around here, but who comes anyway. I tipped him off through a note to Mrs. Vardega and now he wants to get to me. And I don't want to talk to him, because I'm worried he's going to get me in trouble, too.” I looked around again and so did he, before he told me he wasn't sure he understood.

“What, did he banish someone from the grounds for something?”

“You could say that.”

“Well, what'd they do?”

Intermission had to be ending soon, I thought. “They committed a crime. It was someone I used to consider a friend, but we haven't been in touch.”

“It's funny you say that, considering all the rumors about a police raid here.”

“There was a search. Mrs. Vardega told me. It was why we weren't allowed here the first week.”

“Well, if you know anything else, why don't you just tell her and ask her to pass on the information?”

“I know something I can't tell her.”

“Then... are you covering for them?”

“Maybe you could say that,” I admitted. “But it's not easy, and I don't want to do it,” I continued to speak, but Westin was thinking about something else. “Please don't tell anyone. I trust you.” He nodded without looking at me and stepped away, at first making me feel like he no longer wanted to be so close, but I realized he was just reaching for the door.

“I won't tell anyone, but we probably want to get back now, before they start wondering.” I nodded, and he held the door open for me, but we never looked at each other on the way back. Leslie gave me a suggestive look about us returning together, but soon we had to scatter off to different places for the next scene.

* * *

For the next little while, we would have to pretend we were in love. The forest animals sang, we cupped our hands, and I held the high note before the eyes of the boy who knew there was more to me. I was sure someone with their feet planted in the ground and their mind in the right place would get exhausted with such a nebulous girl who must have looked to be stringing them on sometimes...

He started “Apology to a Cow”, and I decided I didn't want to hear him singing so angrily. I went to the restroom after holding it that entire time, but on my way out a clammy hand took my wrist, and I realized that Erik's father had been leaning against the wall, waiting for me to come out.

“Miss,” he said. I looked up.

“Yes!”

“Can I speak to you for a moment?” He asked, trying not to garner attention, but with stern frustration. He never let go of my wrist, but he tried to lure me off toward the stairwell of my own accord. I came with him. He backed into the wall where he couldn't be seen. “You know where my son is,” he stated.

“No, I don't, I don't-”

“Please stop pretending. I know that your name is Lily, I know that you spent time with him. He's tried to seem gone for months, but I know he's still here.” He stared at me pointedly with eyes just like Erik's, even though there was really nothing else besides his lanky stature that indicated they were related. Then again, I'd never seen Erik without a mask.

“I'm telling you the truth. I saw him a few nights ago, and he told me he was leaving, without saying where. He said goodbye to me and I haven't seen him since.”

“Oh, he said goodbye to you, did he?” I wasn't sure which part of it was a joke to him, but there was laughter in his exhale, and I noticed he had bruises on his forearm. “He's really not fit to be having a girlfriend.”

“I'm not his girlfriend,” I told him, but he didn't seem to believe me. “I have to get back soon. I don't know where he is.” I backed towards the backstage door, if only to stop smelling his cologne in the air between us. He resigned to staying near the stairwell, but something about him creeped me out. “I just wanted to warn someone who knew him.”

“I haven't known him for years,” he answered, but the depth of his words didn't really hit him until a second later. He stepped away from the wall and looked ready to pass me. “He's very close to being a convicted felon, and he's schizophrenic - I just hope you know that. He's not in high school and he is not 'Erik'--” he started, but with an icy tone I told him,

“I don't want to talk anymore,” and pushed through the door.

* * *

The man whose scent I couldn't get out of my mind remained in the wings as Bat Boy's third night came to a close. I had been frvv losing Shelley during our last scene, fading between her, and myself, and Christine. I didn't know who I was singing for anymore when I trailed to front stage.

He never knew what he was worth,
I could not stop his fall
But in his precious hours on Earth...

My cast chimed in, then Leslie. Everyone stood together under a light which carved our silhouettes from the set. Hold your Bat Boy, touch your Bat Boy, and with every beat of the percussion, each of our faces were revealed.

Our final note stretched before the lights went off and on. As the first curtain fell over the backdrop, we held hands and took our bows proudly before the rising crowd. It had not even registered to me who stood at my sides. My eyes were fixed on the lights across the balcony while a meager smile crossed my face. We let go of each other, but the lights went out again.

I figured there was a mishap in the control room. Then, I thought one of my cast members had grabbed me and yanked me backstage, even if I could think of no reason why they should, but friends didn't throw you over their shoulders in the dark. I hit my head on the edge of the floorboards, reaching for them as they passed me... as I descended. As soon as I could be afraid, my face was covered and I inhaled something unbearably sweet, something like ice.