Recently, Jenna and I have been talking about if Hare and I had a baby. lol I know that this is absolutely absurd and immature and probably calls my stability into question, but it has been a very amusing, comforting, creatively fruitful scenario. Yeah, I don't know why, but even my shriveled up motherly instincts flare for this guy. In real life, I have no intentions of having children any time soon, and I don't covet other people's babies, but Hare just makes me want his babyyyy. Neither of us is that attractive, so it's not as if I'd do it to have beautiful offspring. I just love him, so I'd want to keep his genes going -- and he'd be an adorable father if he were ever ready for it. Similarly, I might make a pretty good mother if I were ever ready for it. I can't believe I'm even entertaining this idea semi-publicly; it's so embarrassing and nonsensical: babies with nonexistent bunny men!

Whatever. So anyhoo, I'd be happy with a boy or a girl, but somehow it ended up being a girl named Harriet. Get it? Hare, Harriet? It's not my favorite girl's name by a long shot, but it reminds me of Harriet the Spy, who was my hero when I was a kid. I tried to be just like her (in fact, in our closet is still my yellow rain coat with a magnifying glass and a notepad in the pocket, preserved by my mother.)

So anyway, we've got a story about if Hare needed to have Harriet baby-sat. I was drawing for it this evening, and smiling and giggling and wanting this baby so badly that I came up with another story about wanting to get knocked up before I could even establish good contact with Hare (as if I may find Wonderland some day but fumble with mirror travel first.)



[7:05:55 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: I just had this ridiculous image,
[7:06:10 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: of hare's hand reaching through the mirror
[7:06:32 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: with a sperm bank container
[7:06:39 PM] Phantomwise: XD
[7:06:41 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: like he can't visit, but
[7:06:44 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: he can send his sperm over
[7:07:02 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "WILL THIS EVEN WORK?!" I shout at the mirror
[7:07:14 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "WILL IT BE SOME MUTANT CHILD?!"
[7:07:20 PM] Phantomwise: xD
[7:07:52 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: his hand turns up and shakes as if to say "I-I don't know"
[7:08:33 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "I'LL TRY IT ANYWAY," I say
[7:08:37 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: and he does a thumbs up
[7:08:58 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: so I go to my doctor, and I'm like "listen, I want to get pregnant"
[7:09:07 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "im-PREG-nated" I enunciate
[7:09:10 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: and I hand over the sperm
[7:09:18 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "w-what is this?" the doctor asks
[7:09:29 PM] Phantomwise: "my baby"
[7:09:35 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "baby juice"
[7:09:40 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "from my man"
[7:09:51 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "um..."
[7:10:33 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Um, there's a much less expensive way you can do this.."
[7:10:43 PM] Phantomwise: xD
[7:11:19 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "I know, but that option just isn't available to me. We're um... too busy to have sex."
[7:11:50 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Well make the time. This is a highly unnecessary procedure," he says, and he sends me home.
[7:11:59 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: I go to the mirror and say:
[7:12:12 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Listen, Hare, you got your hand through. Next time, put in your dick."
[7:12:35 PM] Phantomwise: XD
[7:12:35 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "We'lll figure this out. I'll do it standing up if I have to."
[7:13:32 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: Eventually he reaches through with a note.
[7:14:31 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "I don't completely understand this mirror thing, Jennifer. I'm not risking my dick getting lost in another dimension."
[7:14:52 PM] Phantomwise: XDDDD
[7:15:01 PM] Phantomwise: welll, that's reasonable, I guess
[7:15:17 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "But you would risk your hand, or your entire arm?!"
[7:15:38 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Yes, but a dick is too much."
[7:18:13 PM] Phantomwise: brb I got to feed the dogs
[7:23:31 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: I'm going to continue so you have something to read when you get back!
[7:24:01 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: We continue to argue. I don't even realize my mother has come home, so she hears me screaming "I just want your dick for like five minutes!"
[7:24:14 PM] Phantomwise: I'm back
[7:24:42 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: no dice, no dick
[7:24:53 PM] Phantomwise: HAH
[7:24:54 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: I go back to the doctor.
[7:26:05 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Listen, doc, I'm begging you. We tried to do it the old fashioned way but m-my.. my boyfriend is having performance anxiety. He just can't come while I'm there."
[7:27:14 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Then I think he should speak to his doctor. There might be counseling available to him under his insurance that-"
[7:27:41 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "NO, SERIOUSLY. No matter how you slice it, this isn't going to work out."
[7:28:10 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: The doctor throws up his hands.
[7:28:43 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "We're going to need proper documentation and to work with his doctor's office."
[7:28:54 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: I get all shifty eyed.
[7:29:03 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "So what, do I just need papers or something?"
[7:29:30 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Yes, and contact information."
[7:29:36 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Well, see, he's out of country."
[7:30:18 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Then how'd you get ahold of his sperm?"
[7:30:31 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "He sent it to me in the mail."
[7:30:40 PM] Phantomwise: XD
[7:33:48 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: The doctor is tempted to excuse himself and explain this story to his colleagues, but he knows the information is confidential.
[7:34:05 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "We are still going to need his insurance information."
[7:34:13 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "H-He doesn't have insurance, actually."
[7:34:54 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: The appointment is unsuccessful yet again. I go back to the mirror, BEGGING for his dick.
[7:35:04 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "IT'S THE ONLY WAY."
[7:35:05 PM] Phantomwise: xD
[7:35:57 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: Back in Wonderland, Hare is avoiding talking to me. He's over at Hatter's venting about it. "She won't stop asking me to put my dick in the mirror!"
[7:36:43 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "I'd put my dick in," Hatter says.
[7:36:53 PM] Phantomwise: XDDD
[7:36:57 PM] Phantomwise: yes he would
[7:44:00 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "But aren't you worried about it getting lost?!" Hare asks, swishing his hands. Hatter just scrunches his shoulders.
[7:44:11 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "That's half the excitement of it."
[7:44:41 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Besides, who says I won't find it again?"
[7:47:08 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Well.. I... I'd do it if I felt confident about it coming back. I mean, she REALLY wants this baby. Something about the clock ticking?"
[7:47:19 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Do you think that... maybe you could put your dick in and see if it comes back?"
[7:48:03 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: Hatter scratches his chin. "Well, I guess."
[7:48:11 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: Later that day, I get a note from Hare.
[7:48:21 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Jennifer, Hatter's going to put his dick through," it says.
[7:48:39 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "WHAT?!!! I DON'T WANT TO GET KNOCKED UP BY HATTER, YOU IDIOT."
[7:48:59 PM] Phantomwise: XD
[7:55:05 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: Hatter's a little bit offended that not everybody in the world wants to multiply with him, even though he understands why not.
[7:55:39 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "He just wants to see if his dick will come back in one piece. Balls and everything."
[7:56:01 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "I don't want his balls coming through into my bedroom. No thank you."
[7:56:24 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "It'll be really quick, just don't look!" He says.
[7:57:15 PM] Phantomwise: xD
[7:57:56 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: I'm absolutely not willing to let this happen until Hare starts writing that he's nervous. Then I somehow find my sympathy. I tell Hatter to get on with it, cross my arms, and turn around.
[7:58:03 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Alright, Hatter."
[7:58:19 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: Hatter's surprised we actually agreed to let him do it. His hand hovers over his zipper.
[7:58:48 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Well this is lame. I'm not even doing it with anybody."
[7:58:59 PM | Edited 7:59:02 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: Hare's about ready to flip a table. "YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO DO IT."
[7:59:51 PM] Phantomwise: XDDDDDDDDDDDDDddd
[8:00:00 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: Hatter sputters as Hare goes on. "What, did you want to have sex with my girlfriend?!"
[8:03:20 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: He's not sure what to say, so he unzips his pants and reaches in. "NO, wait a minute, I change MY mind!" Hare shouts.
[8:04:38 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: Hatter scrunches up his lips. "Hare, it's not like that at all! I swear, I'm just doing this for you."
[8:06:42 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: I keep waiting for it to be over, but apparently they're just over there having a highly sensitive conversation. I glance over my shoulder with a terrified expression, hoping my curiosity doesn't end with me seeing something I will never be able to unsee.
[8:06:56 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: The disembodied dick of my lover's best friend.
[8:07:40 PM] Phantomwise: the disembodied dick in your mirror
[8:08:01 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: XD
[8:08:33 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: No dice, no dick, yet again.
[8:09:47 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: Eventually, I'm just sitting in the corner of my room holding up the jar of sperm. I wonder... "is there an expiration date on this stuff?"
[8:10:08 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: Do I ask Hare "can you send me new sperm?"
[8:10:37 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: I find a turkey baster and contemplate it.
[8:13:38 PM] Mrs. Bouncy Ears: "Maybe I'll do impregnation the black market way."

To be continued...