I thought this ought to be a separate entry since I have so much to talk about, but would like to keep layout previews and analysis on the story separate (understandably). I store everything in memories, so it would help me find things better if they weren't mixed.
I have thought long and hard about what it means to be a paranoid schizophrenic, based on what I know and continue to learn, and I'm realizing that Dorian's behavior is only a fraction of what it should be. I've kind of just portrayed him as quiet and awkward, which kind of is impossible to be when for the first 9 chapters, he had been off his medications for a few days. I know that he acted out a few times, but they were larger events, and otherwise it was like...nothing was wrong with him. I may save his real Schizophrenic behavior for later and have him on meds all the way through the beginning instead, because although I could fix this inaccuracy, that would give it all away, and I'd rather he definitely have an aura of "odd", but nobody should be able to tell why.
Anyway, as I said, I've thought often about what it would be like, and these are some of the conclusions I've reached. ...Let me break it down one step at a time.
1.) Medications for schizophrenia aren't far enough into development to only target what is wrong with a patient's brain. It's often, though through the years has gotten better, something that's actually going to cause them problems in other areas even if it's stopping delusions or paranoid thoughts. It's why Dorian has tardive dyskinesia and can barely keep his fingers still. But my understanding of antipsychotics is that to prevent paranoid thoughts and hallucinations, it has to slow down the entire brain. It's one reason why schizophrenic people hate their medications, because it makes you feel mentally sluggish and it dampens the normal intensity of human emotion.
I was right in one thing by making Dorian somewhat inanimate, preoccupied, and neutral a lot of the times, but off the medications would be a different story. He would be returned to him his normal intensity, and he's already kind of a childish guy. He would maybe be a little hyper. He's easily amused. Kurt would have him laughing all the time. (this is strangely cute, though.) But pair that with paranoid thoughts, and you have kind of a mess.
2.) Dorian has what, predictably, his subtype is known for- paranoid thoughts, which doesn't exactly mean he's "paranoid", it means more like he will fabricate connections with what he knows and come up with a perception of his circumstance which is way off. Which...I guess technically speaking can lead to paranoia, but...
He's around a lot of people that he doesn't understand or understand him even when he's medicated. Even the slightest misunderstanding could have Dorian thinking Kurt wants to move out of their dormitory and he has been appalled with his behavior. Off his medications, you really can't...joke around with Dorian. You can't say something sarcastic or slap him on the shoulder of he'll get really upset. I think his emotions would shift a lot, and he would insist so many things that are not true that Kurt would go crazy himself. They don't really have the tight kind of bond where Kurt has the power to explain why he's wrong with enough effect. But the problem isn't even entirely that, because I suppose the people around him really could make an effort to act accordingly. Except Cenn or Ani, etc. Which is why there's going to be a huge problem later. But the problem mainly is actually that I would have to be writing in his POV and he would be having streaming lines of irrational thought nearly all the time.
3.) Dorian sees things, sometimes extremely elaborate depending on how many days he's been off, and hears voices (particularly...applying consciousness to things that don't have it.) There is no getting around this. It's so bad that he even has delusions slip here and there when he's completely medicated. Although.. he's used to them enough just to acknowledge them and not tell anyone.
Off would be rather distracting. Imagine sitting him in a chair in an empty room. His eyes would be scrolling in front of him and he would be talking to himself. It's also very possible to imagine that real people have said things that they never said, just by being familiar enough with how their voice sounds. I would say to Dorian "How are you doing?" and he would hear "You're not doing well." He might respond to me constructing sentences that don't work, or drop a sentence without realizing he didn't finish it. He might hear himself answer the question but not know that he's being too quiet or muttering, or this, or that. He would still be able to react to me, and understand me half the time, if I'm persistent. I could say something funny, and he could smile, but it's just, to me we're in an empty room with a chair, and to him, there are a lot of other things, some which are trying for his attention, and more than one person talking. Kind of like we're at a... party. Yeah, let's go with that.
And honestly, I would say that some of this stuff could easily happen after 24 hours of skipping his meds.
Another problem would be trying to get him back on them after he had been off. It's baffling how a schizophrenic can clearly be experiencing all of this but insist they had never been sick. I don't know about Dorian, because he's been schizophrenic for like 16 years, but he would definitely put up a fight. He may also be happy not feeling so slow. I can't really tell. I just know that the conversation would not be "hey Dorian, you should take your medications," "oh, you're right... okay.."
What's even more interesting is that once Dorian is back to his medications, he might understand that he had been off them and was a bit hard to handle, but his perceptions could be in sync all along, and he may still think that a bit earlier that day, the wall in the cafeteria had been broken down, and it was infested with insects from the inside, which was because of the spoilage of Cenn and him's friendship. Of course, this doesn't happen ALL the time; it may only happen if it was something dramatic which he can't shake. He could also fully realize he had had hallucinations and think they were silly. I remember Greg would nonchalantly talk about how a bodiless voice made him get up in class, and ever since was the reason why he told his teachers and classmates he had schizophrenia right away, because he wanted them to know that he might hallucinate. He was one of those kinds that took his medications depending on if he felt like it, and yes, because of the unwanted side affects. I witnessed some of his disposition swings.
So now, I hope you see what I see and see how half-ass I have been doing his POV. I'll keep it in mind for the future, though. I guess that's the one good thing.
Current Mood: 
contemplative
I gotta pee