Dramatic chapter alert! Dramatic chapter alert.

This is not exactly what I had planned. I thought the chapter would be much longer, but something in the plot I realized I wanted to change this morning, so it ended in a way that's all ready to lead you into the next chapter which will be ... well, what I've been dreaming of for months.

That, and I needed to get this done and start working on my speech that's due next Saturday. It's good to work on it every night and so far I've skipped the last two nights, shame on me... I cannot promise that Chapter 34 will be done next Sunday! Added to the platter, I think it'd just give me irritable bowel, which is Jennifer's body's way of saying "you're stressed, so I'm going to make you suffer". I know, it's terrible. I keep feeling like my HT updates aren't consistent, when really, ever since the site was finished, I HAVE been making the weekly updates... *sigh*

Anyway, Erik's kind of being a smug asshole. I wonder if anyone even likes that?...
The inspiration for him in this chapter was actually Lon-Phantom and his.. interesting luring techniques. Also, Lucifer's Angel, Rob-Phantom's movie theme, at least for me (hah), came on my ipod as they were walking down the front steps. I wrote that she got shivers because when he did the hand thing, I sort of felt them! Dramaaaa.

Too lazy to list likes and dislikes... Nanowrimo count:

30816 / 50000 words. 62% done!


HE'S (@) THERE
Chapter 33 - So Just Leave


I was trying my darnedest not to be offended after that conversation at lunch. So Meg had trivialized him and then asked that no one know she has talked to him at all... In any normal situation where I had a boyfriend of sorts and really wanted to integrate him into my real life, this type of feedback would, and probably should, piss off anybody, but I was trying... so hard... to remember that I did not have a situation like that.

Misunderstood or not, Erik was great at keeping himself misunderstood, and funny enough, I was willing to admit that was mostly his own fault. I knew, deep down, that his creep meter was high, and Meg was not an idiot. She had been born with a functioning brain that had done her well for seventeen years, and I wouldn't have it any differently.

She too (at least I'm hoping) knew that I had been born with a functioning brain as well. This is probably why it perplexed her all the more that I put up with and even encouraged his... "antics".

If there was a way to explain to her that he was worth knowing, without throwing the secrecy he expected of me out the window, I would take full advantage of it, but there wasn't.

- - -

The night of, I couldn't focus on a single thing. Every minute, even in the fun classes, felt like an hour today, and after 6th period I had to swing back around to Mr. Darelle's class and stay until 4:30. Dances and Phantoms do not mix with advanced algebra. Erik may as well have been sitting in a desk nearby, watching, with his eyes burning a hole into my textbook.

Worse, I think he noticed this was the last thing I gave even the slightest amount of shit about. I appreciate that he was willing to do this for me, and it was my fault for having a 52%, but tonight just wasn't the night.

I didn't even know what I was wearing to this thing.

He let me go at 4:15 and said we could finish up on Monday, and I ran from school to home. Yes, the girl who doesn't run - who considers it worth it to fail The Mile in P.E. to avoid getting tired and being humiliated.

Of course, there was a time I didn't know it was worth it and I tried keeping up with the girls who were actually in shape. This ended with Freshman Lily hurrying into the locker room and tossing her cookies, and then crying from embarrassment.

Moving on.

To be honest, it was awkward, even alone in the bathroom, trying to look nice for this dance when, since yesterday, Meg had been noticeably distant.

I think she also was surprised, maybe disgusted, that Giry was excited about the whole ordeal and had been making plans to see "The Phantom!" as soon as she could. I asked if she'd keep her excitement on the down-low, not to make Erik feel observed or anything, and not to tell anyone there was someone at the dance that would inspire observation, and she agreed, but it was hard to know what would happen.

I decided on a lavender dress that had been collecting dust in the back of my closet, and I curled my hair, using some of my new diamond pins to hold back the short ends on the sides of my face. As I was doing my make-up, I realized it had been a while since I'd stared this much at myself. Every time a piece of fabric went awry in my dress, I'd fix it. I redid my eye-shadow probably four times before it looked right. And I actually wore eye-liner. Don't ask me why. My hand just rose from the make-up drawer and started putting things on my face, and I trusted it.

Good going, Lily. Bring that guy that scares the crap out of to you to the Winter Formal, where everyone can see him.

This must've just been last-minute angst or something.

- - -

Meg opened the door on me, then strolled back into the house trying to put on her other earing. I let myself in and took a good look at her. She had on my favorite dress of hers - a deep red knee-length with spaghetti straps and sort of pleated high-rise bust. She completed it with some little red flats with ribbon bows on the toes.

"You look really nice."

"Thanks," she replied, to the mirror. She petted her hair with her fingers a little bit before turning to me. "You look nice too."

I smiled a little, but she was up the stairs before I could say anything. I followed her, but for some reason wondering if I should. She was in her room tidying up the place after, I assume, quite an endeavor to pick the right outfit, when I appeared in the door frame. When she felt done with that she came to the dresser and popped a Mento in her mouth, then paused.

"Do you want one too?"

"Okay." I walked up and she dropped one in my hand, then stuffed the container in a little bejeweled purse that matched her dress. "Yikes, that's minty."

Her laugh was subdued. Without so much as a word, she looked around the room, thought everything in order, flicked off the light and came back down the hall. Again, I followed her.

"So Giry's meeting us about ten minutes in?"

"Yeah, I know,"

"In the hall outside,"

"Yeah."

"If you don't want to be seen with him that often, she said she'd gladly take you along with her."

I left out the detail about her casually and "by chance" leading her to Jeffrey once she knew where he was.

"I know. I'm probably going to spend some time with her. If you don't mind."

"Of course not."


To make things all the more uncomfortable, her mother came from upstairs with a camera in hand, even though she had seen us in these dresses more than once before. Meg and I draped our arms around each other and smiled for her, and I said thank you a few times for the compliments.

Her face stuck with me when we came out the door. A total sense of peace, pleased to see us going out to something social, proud of her daughter and fully aware what she was doing. I wouldn't be surprised if she knew about Jeffrey, too.

We didn't really say anything to each other, coming up the street. I think she had butterflies. I tried to convince myself they were all Jeffrey-related and not Best-Friend-With-Weird-Man-For-Date-related. The date-related ones should've been mine. I deserved to have all of them for making this decision.

The front of school came to view, dimmed from a setting sun, and no one was there. Well! There were people, talking, waiting, and what have you... Not the one that was making my stomach do turns.

We passed it all, and my body was following Meg, but my mind was still at the steps, looking out for him and wondering what he would say first - what would I say first? How would we do the dance? Neither of us probably wanted to actually dance. There was food but I didn't want it, and I'd never seen him eat anything. What would Giry say to him and would he care?
"Lily."

"What?" I realized we'd stopped in the corner of the hall outside the dance's room.

"When's he coming?" The way she asked sounded like he was a pending inconvenience. (Or maybe I was imagining things.) My reaction first was to look down the hall, then to the guy waiting to stamp our hands for entrance.

"Uhhh. He said he'd be at the front at 6:00."

"It's almost 6:00, maybe you should go see if he's there."

"Okay..."

Our eyes stayed on each other a moment.

"I can go in alone," she stated, as if I would've never considered that an option. "I'll just get something to drink."

I wet my lip and turned towards the hall. Not long after, I heard behind me her distinct laughter. She had met up with Giry early. The both of them sort of flickered their eyes towards me, in the midst of smiles, before disappearing in the crowd.


This didn't feel alienating at all. Oh no.


I came out from the edge of the wall and saw out the window a black shape at the railing. It made my shoulders rise.

His back was turned, so he couldn't have seen me coming down the stairs at snail's pace, my hands rising to the glass doors with unnecessary caution.

Well, at least he didn't have an umbrella.


The doors opened silently, although the change in temperature was enough of a transition for me. His hair swept over his shoulders a little, but he was motionless still. It felt weird to be stepping towards him, like I had the power. I approached him just a little more when an arm he kept in front of him fell to his side and the hand opened.

My hand hesitated, but eventually touched him. When he felt it, his fingers closed. It gave me shivers.

I came to his side and looked up to him, but he made no eye contact before descending the stairs, each step some time apart to make sure I followed. I did a ways, then it occurred to me it didn't make sense what we were doing.

"The dance is that way," I lifted my free hand slightly to notion behind us.

"It is," he agreed.

He took another step, but I didn't. After a thoughtful pause, he turned so I was in full front of him. I couldn't make out anything in his expression, besides some desire to continue whatever plan he had made without my consent. "What are you doing then?"

"I said I would come. I'm here to take you away now."

"I asked you to come and stay."

"You asked me to come," he tried to correct. Why was it always semantics with this guy?

"Stay was implied and obvious."

He took a look right into my eyes, in a way that sort of hit my core, and smiled.

"But you would like to leave... wouldn't you."

"Whether I would like to or not is of no difference to Meg, who's in there waiting... for both of us."

"She's in Giry's hands, isn't she."

"Yes, but-"

"Then she'll be fine." His voice dropped as he said it. My fingers in his hand loosened, but he kept his own very tightly around mine.

"I-I can't do that."

"I'd like to take you somewhere."

"I can't just disappear."

His eyes fixed on my face a moment, my point accounted for, and I could only hope on the outside I looked sterner than I felt. "I've made sure she knows what happened to you." The statement, calm and confident, prompted me to retract.

"I just saw her. She doesn't know."

He exhaled quickly and gazed into me with rising intensity. "Trust me," he said. Every time I heard the two words, our relationship seemed to pass before my eyes. "I promise you won't regret it. I promise..." I was so frozen by his persuasion I just stared. "I promise..." he repeated, his finger caressing the top of my hand, over and over. I could feel his grip tightening all the while. It felt like he was trying to take away my choice.

I didn't expect him to let go of me, but he started backwards down the rest of the stairs, his hand gently gliding the railing and slipping off the edge. He seemed to be approaching a solitary car a ways from the front. He did not come closer to it until I came closer to him. He opened the passenger door, watching me all the while, and slipped around the front of the car. He got in, closed his door, and looked out to me as I stood at the sidewalk, shivering, shaking my head no.

"I'm going to leave," he said. It was making me angry. "You can come with me." I glanced back to the front, then to the inside of the car, when his key reached the ignition and the lights on the dashboard came to a glow. I stepped towards the passenger's door and leaned inside.

"Why are you putting me in this position?"

"...Because. You'll need no other excuse to be with me all night."

"But..."

"After all... you went to the dance."

He put the car into drive and slowly eased away the pressure on the break. The car began rolling along the curb. I kept to its side, and instead of ahead, he kept looking straight at me.

I wanted to be with him. I wanted to come back to Meg. I wanted to see where he'd take me. I wanted to be a good friend and help her talk to Jeffrey. I wanted the opportunity to understand Erik more than I had before. I wanted not to have to ditch my life to do it.

I put my hands on the car door, even as it rolled, so he would come to a stop and allow me to think without feeling like my brain was racing away from me.

"...I will not leave her without saying."

He paused a moment, then put the car in park.

"If it's worth it to you to spend time with me at all, then just wait here and let me talk to her." His answer did not come right away. The way things were going, I don't think he expected me to resist his offer.

"...All right," he said, his eyes replying in a very different way. They wouldn't let go of me. The way he looked at me made me feel incapable of closing the door on him right away. When I did, the windows concealed him completely, but his hold on me was only a little weaker.



I could not find Meg right away. She happened to see me wandering around and touched me on the shoulders from behind, which just scared the fucking shit out of me. I was pulled to the side quickly after that - she noticed something was amiss. "So what's going on?" She asked, sort of like my mother would.

"He's outside." ...I knew the next question was "isn't he coming in?" "He's not coming in."

She crossed her arms.

"So you don't want to be here. That's it, isn't it?"

"Meg- I." Her eyes widened immediately at my stupid...completely ridiculous mistake, and then she walked away. Unwelcome as I felt, I stuck behind her, though she made doing so difficult by weaving the crowd in an unnecessarily complicated way. We ended up with Giry and some of her friends. "I never said I wanted to go; I had no idea he was going to-"

"Just leave. You want to leave. So just leave," she stated point-blank. The people now accompanying us were speechless. I tried to stand directly in front of her but she stepped closer to Giry.

"But I don't know if that's what I want to do. I came here for you-"

"You came here for me and you're leaving for him. Really, it's fine. I don't need you," she said to the air.

I was stared at by the whole group and Mariam didn't look like she would listen to another word, so I turned around and disappeared back into the crowd, the faces of my classmates as I passed them growing blurry. It was only until I had reached the dark hall that I could, carefully, clear my tears, wondering all the while, even with my frustration, if I deserved to cry about this. I had to stand at the doors, focusing on the sky, to recollect myself. Why was it happening this way? Easy answer. I needed her to hate me, as she did tonight, to understand fully what I was doing. Being a bad friend. Not telling off this... stranger... To say that his plans came before hers was a trifling detail, the kind a selfish person makes even though she gave her word.

If she had asked, and I'd seen in her eyes how badly she wanted me to stay, I would have. It was not a choice we had made together for me to leave. All I had left was Erik.



Favorite Quote(s)

Dances and Phantoms do not mix with advanced algebra. Erik may as well have been sitting in a desk nearby, watching, with his eyes burning a hole into my textbook.

I think she had butterflies. I tried to convince myself they were all Jeffrey-related and not Best-Friend-With-Weird-Man-For-Date-related.

"The dance is that way," I lifted my free hand slightly to notion behind us.

"It is," he agreed.

I needed her to hate me, as she did tonight, to understand fully what I was doing.