So, I did some moderate work on the plot and completely got rid of chapter indications for 40-50. It's now just a bunch of plot paragraphs again. I don't know why I did that when I thought it would be more helpful to know what each chapter was about, but actually, some were chunks of information for multiple chapters and it wasn't that well organized.

I considered that good enough work on the plot and have thus been prepping to return! I've read old entries having to do with intentions, gathered quotes from here or there, and am getting rather nervous about everything coming together and the more deeper aspects of what's going on being revealed.

I also have read a lot of past chapters (mainly in the 20's and 30's) and just went through 37-39 (which my beta operaghostess left a wonderful long review for and I was saving to reply to until I was coming back from hiatus.)

But... to get myself really in the mood to write this long-postponed Chapter 40 after Lily and Erik kissed the first time and she was fighting with Mariam, I did something quite new. I wanted the feeling of this chapter to be falling into the abyss of infatuation for Erik, but guiltily and filled with tension. The tension is from Mariam, and she's becoming a voice growing in strength that says this is not okay. And I really like Mariam as a character, so it was natural to want to really know how she was feeling and use that to give the chapter its balance. So, I wrote in her POV. I might do more of it as prep since their friendship, with all its ups and downs, will be put in a spotlight during chapters 40-50.

But for the time being, I have this email, and it's very interesting because I had to think about how she would write it and give her her own voice. I know that her and Lily wouldn't write the same, especially over the computer (Mariam's incredibly lazy and usually doesn't even capitalize.) Also, talk about a change in opinion. I spend 39 chapters writing about why the Phantom could be appreciated and Mariam has no fond thoughts for him at all. It's a little fascinating, actually, when you start plunging into different perspectives. Writing for her makes me feel like I'm channeling someone's feelings about a real problem. lol

Lily,

Before I can go on another day I need to say this to you, because it's been driving me mad, and now that you're already angry with me, things can't get worse. I avoided being completely honest in the past because I respected your feelings and wasn't sure if what I thought was right, but now things are getting ridiculous and I'm probably the only one who will say something rational.

I knew he was up to something. Since day one. In fact it was you who said how strange it was that a stranger wanted to meet you at the theater building out of nowhere, and me who thought you were being too suspicious. Well.. I regret that now. And no, before you get any ideas, it was hardly because he wouldn't tell you who he was. I was teasing you. It was when he started telling you what to do and making you mad that I thought he had some nerve when he had met you like a month ago, or less than a month ago. You claim that that is part of the roleplay but he's just kept barging in to our personal lives and following even me and Paulina around. Who knows if you've even heard the full story, but it hasn't been that nice. It's only been "nice" for you. I got that. I believe you, I think he probably does a lot of nice things for you, but it's in a certain context which I do not know if you see. Which is that he is clearly obsessed with you. That's not good nor is it the same as having a crush. He is OBSESSED, and (I can't believe I'm about to compliment him) has done something really smart thinking if he talks to you as a phantom that you will listen to him. But you listen too much and that's why I get freaked out. That stuff about you being a weirdo --- it's crap. He's alienating you from us. All he ever does is pull you away, make you devote all your energy to him, believe God knows what. I only hear snipits from Paulina that don't make any sense. And yeah, Paulina's gotten on my nerves too, something just doesn't set right with me with how she worked her way around the both of us. I heard about how she has talked to him and tried to find things out about him but shit, I don't know her that well and sometimes I wonder if she's on his side or something, because she always encourages you to work things out with him.

If it were ever just a "roleplay" you would not be acting so serious about it. I don't want to be going around having fights with you but you seem like you're losing it. I'm not the bad guy. Okay fine, for argument's sake I won't call 'the phantom' the bad guy either, but you don't seem to have your guard up with him. You have your guard up with me but not at all with him, it makes no sense. It's frustrating because the more you just trust him and not tell the whole story to me, the more he'll take advantage of it. He's probably loving this, just reeling you in one day at a time, nobody to stop him... of course, you don't believe me at all. You've even ignored that he's scared me more than once. I don't know what else to fucking say because it's so obvious except I'm NOT trying to be the bad guy, but if you're just going to ignore me, I guess you have to figure it out on your own. Or maybe, since you listen to Paulina more than me, she will finally say something that takes into account reality and you will listen to her.

Well, those are my thoughts. Sorry that they actually come between us.

It may turn out that this is in Chapter 40, actually. Anyway... that's all for now. I think I'll go write more. :) Narrative-wise, perhaps.